Regrets
by Risa1
Summary: Cole and Phoebe have decided that they should separate, the Source is gone, but forces of evil continue to plague the Charmed Ones. Could a threat from evil bring Cole and Phoebe back together? - New: Epilogue *Finished* -
1. Chapter 1

Regrets

By Risa

Disclaimer: I don't own anything from Charmed (I wouldn't be slogging away in school if I did) – no copyright infringement intended. 

Author's Note: Ok, I wrote this after reading a very detailed spoiler of the season finale of Charmed so I'm not too sure if I got it entirely right, but I couldn't bring myself to change much of it, so I left it as it is. Sorry for any inaccuracies and I hope you'll enjoy this!

Another note about Duality: I've decided to end it there. I actually had a few ideas of where I wanted to take it, but it wouldn't fit under the same story. I do have plans for a sequel to it though, but there are some details I need to work out and I'm a little bogged down by schoolwork now. Anyway, thanks for all your wonderful comments! *big grin* 

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            _"I'm not giving up on us."_

            _Damn you Cole, Phoebe cursed as she pulled vehemently at the loose threads of the pillow that she was holding. Why did he always have to come back? Why couldn't he just move on and leave her alone? _

            _Because he loves you, a small voice from deep within consciousness told her, __just like you love him. _

            _Oh shut up, Phoebe told the voice. God, she was talking to herself. She had finally fallen off the deep end. She laughed softly to herself before her mood turned serious again and she sighed, staring out at the dark, quiet street, pensive._

            She had reconciled herself with the idea that Cole was dead, gone forever. Phoebe was well aware that she'll never be the same again now that he was gone. He was her soulmate, she knew that with a bleak certainty. He made the world brighter, more beautiful and more alive. Now that he was gone, Phoebe felt as if a mist had fallen over her eyes, everything seemed duller. But Phoebe knew that she could carry on with her life. She still had her sisters. She might never know the bliss she knew before, but she could be content.

            And then he had returned to her. Out of the blue, ruining all her good intentions. For Phoebe knew that she couldn't let herself get involved with Cole again. They had too much baggage. Phoebe didn't trust herself with him. He was a wide open door with a neon sign spelling vulnerability and risk to her sisters. She had already caused them so much pain. 

            But more than that, she was afraid, afraid that he might turn evil again. Afraid of what might happen. Afraid for her sisters. Afraid for herself. That she would give in to temptation, be seduced by the darkness within her.

            Afraid.

            So she didn't know what to do now that Cole had come right back into her life. She was grateful to him for saving her life and that of her sisters, but she didn't need all of this right now. She wanted her life to return to normal.

            _Then just tell him, the voice said again, __tell him that it's over. If you refuse to change your mind, he'll eventually give up and leave. If you're really sure that's what you want to do, it shouldn't be that difficult, should it?_

            _That was the problem. Every time she saw Cole, all she could think about was how much she wanted to be held by him, to fall into his arms, to hear his voice whisper words of love, to feel safe and comforted. She knew that perversely, her heart was rejoicing at seeing him again, safe, sound, and alive. But she didn't know if she could go through all the pain again – she had gone through it three times already. She didn't want a fourth. _

            Most of all, she didn't know if there was enough of her left to give. 

            It was irrational, really. When he was gone, she had missed him so much. So often at night, she would toss and turn, reaching out for him only to wake up to find that she was alone. With him back though, everything was different. Confronted with the realisation of all her dreams since his death, Phoebe discovered that she couldn't just run into his arms and forget everything that happened and continue where they left off. She allowed herself to wish for his return, allowed herself to let her love for him because she had thought that there was no way that he would ever be able to return to her. 

            But he had.

            And Phoebe knew that the love between them, great as it may be, wasn't enough to get past all the scars and hurt. It wasn't enough.

            She also couldn't put her sisters at risk again because of her and Cole. She would prefer it if she was the only one hurt rather than Piper and Paige. 

            _What about Cole? What about the pain you're going to cause him?_

            He'd get over it, Phoebe thought bleakly. She got up and walked to her cupboard, withdrawing a box where she kept everything she had shared with Cole. She took out a picture of her and Cole that had been placed in a beautiful antique frame. She caressed Cole's face in the picture, as if it was real. _I'm sorry Cole, she told him, as the tears finally began to fall. __But I can't do this again. _

            Tomorrow. She looked up from the photo, her expression resolute and determined. She'll tell him tomorrow.

            Cole watched as the lights of Phoebe's room went off. He had been standing there, along the street outside the Halliwell Manor, carefully cloaked in the darkness of the night. He used to do this when he was still under the Triad's orders, after he first met Phoebe. Initially, he thought it would help him focus on his target – at least that's what he told himself. Later, it was simply because of the need he felt to be near her, yet knowing that he couldn't.

            He fit the part of a stalker from a bad movie perfectly, Cole smiled to himself.

            After all the running and hiding from the Beast and the fear, he finally managed to find his way out. For the first time in a long time – even taking into account the time he spent as a human – Cole felt balanced, whole within himself, confident and assured of his own self-identity. 

            What had kept him going all this time was his love for Phoebe. In a kind of cliché way, he was a spirit with unfinished business. Cole knew he couldn't let go of the physical world until he had a chance to make amends, or at least to apologise to Phoebe for all the hurt that he had caused her.

            The past few months had been pure and utter agony. Cole had been reduced to nothing but a passenger in the backseat as he saw everything the Source did using his body. He felt helpless and frustrated, but there was nothing he could do. Everyday he had to put up with the Source's constant scorn and triumph. His heart ached whenever he saw Phoebe, wishing desperately to shout out to her but always squashed down fiercely by the Source 

            Then the Source was gone and Cole once again was in control of his own body. But he had been lost in a place filled with barrenness, desolation and fear. He clung to the thought of Phoebe like a desperate man clinging to a torch in the pitch-black darkness of a cave. And finally, he managed to return. Just in time to save Phoebe's life.

            Looking at Phoebe now, Cole knew that she didn't want him in her life any longer. He couldn't blame her. Granted, he felt hurt, but he understood. She had been through so much because of him…

            A part of him told him that he should just leave her alone and let her live her life in peace. But Cole knew he couldn't. Phoebe was his sole purpose for living. She was all that he had. His brief fling with death told him that life was precious, that life should be lived without regrets. Cole didn't want to look back and regret that he had just given up Phoebe without trying. 

            He knew that she still loved him. He knew that all too well. Selfish though it may seem to want her back with him, he knew that separation would basically kill them both. The two of them needed each other. Without the other, they were only half a person. Separation would starve them both, leave their lives as one filled with what-could-have-beens. Cole had to get Phoebe back.

            Fate had been a cruel, fickle creature to the two of them, bringing them together only to force them apart again. Cole however, was not a man who would passively submit to the vagaries of fate. 

            God, he was turning into a sappy Romeo. Shakespeare would have been proud.

            Cole smiled to himself. He already had an idea of what he was going to do. Someway, somehow, he was going to win Phoebe back.

*~ To Be Continued – if you want more. I could end it right here. :-) ~*                    


	2. Chapter 2

Regrets

By Risa

Disclaimer: See Chapter 1

Author's Note: This chapter is mainly angst, but it isn't the end yet. :-) I will get Phoebe and Cole back together eventually. Cindy – Thank you for your ideas. I would love doing a cross-over with Angel, unfortunately I haven't watched the show since the first season and don't know enough about it. But I have adapted your idea a little and it'll be in subsequent chapters. Thanks for all the wonderful reviews! I hope you like this chapter! 

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Chapter Two

            The next morning, Phoebe woke up to the smell of flowers. When the first waft of the sweet smell registered on her mind, her eyes immediately opened wide and she quickly sat up, looking around the room to make sure that she hadn't imagined it.

            She hadn't. In front of her, on top of the large dresser was a large bouquet of daisies in a glass vase. Phoebe sprang out of bed and inspected the bouquet with suspicion. She found a simple, plain white card in the middle of the daisies. Written on the card, in a confident, clear script that was hauntingly familiar to Phoebe, were these words: 

            _Dear Phoebe,_

_I hope you like the daisies. I thought that roses were too traditional. We need to talk. Dinner tonight at 7? I'll be waiting._

            The card wasn't signed, although Phoebe didn't need a signature to identify its author. It was as she suspected.

            Cole.

            She turned the card over and written neatly at the back was an address. She recognised it. It was the address of Cole's apartment when they had first met. Before she had found out that he was a demon – it seemed so long ago now. Phoebe sat down heavily on the bed, as she became lost in a tangle of emotions. Longing, yearning, fear, sadness, tension… 

            Should she go? Or should she just pretend she had never seen the damned thing? If she went to meet him, what was she going to say? What was she going to do?

            Phoebe didn't know. She ran her fingers through her hair as she took a deep breath. All she was certain of was that she couldn't get involved with Cole again.

            No matter how much she wanted to.

            She sighed as she got up and carried the vase downstairs to throw them away. As she walked into the kitchen, she was greeted cheerfully by Piper and Paige. Then, Piper noticed what Phoebe was carrying and her expression turned serious. "Is that from Cole?" she asked gently.

            Phoebe nodded.

            "What are you going to do about Cole?" Piper asked in the same, gentle, sympathetic tone.

            "I don't know," Phoebe confessed.

            "If you ask me," Paige said bluntly, "he's going to bring you more pain. Who knows if he'll turn evil again – "

            "Paige, hush," Piper interrupted with a glare. "Phoebe, your decision about Cole is something that you have to make alone. Whatever it is, we'll still be here for you."

            "Thank you," Phoebe said gratefully before she sighed. "I know it can't work anymore. I still love him, but… it's too much. Too much pain, too much baggage… I don't know how much more I can take." The tears were beginning to cloud her eyes.

            Piper hugged Phoebe and said softly, "You still have us." 

            "Yeah," Paige said as she joined the hug. 

            For a while, Phoebe allowed herself to relax in the comfort, warmth and support of her sisters. A small, tired smile appeared on Phoebe's face as she pulled away from them. "I know I can always count on you guys, but thanks for the reminder anyway."

            "What are sisters for?" Paige said, grinning.

            "You have to tell him, Phoebe," Piper said, "Dragging it on further would just cause more pain for the both of you."

            "I know," Phoebe said, "I'm going to tell him tonight."

            "Tonight? You know where he is?"

            "He asked me to meet him for dinner, I'll tell him then."

            "Do you need us to go with you?" Piper said in concern. 

            Phoebe shook her head. "Like you said, this is something between the both of us that we have to settle on our own."

            "If you need us, then just call, okay?" Piper said.

            Phoebe nodded and smiled.

            Cole leaned back against the sofa and closed his eyes, letting himself get swept up in the soft music that was playing in an effort to relax. Gradually, he began to feel the tension and nervousness in him fade away.

            He had chosen to meet Phoebe at his old apartment partly because it was empty, quiet and Cole needed a place fast. Moreover, the place contained important memories for both of them, of all they had shared together, the joy and the pain. He wanted to remind Phoebe of all of it, implicitly asking her if she really wanted to give all this up after all that they had been through.

            The afternoon had been spent in preparation, buying the food, furniture and music. Cole sighed as the music flowed into a simple piano piece. It was the soundtrack to the film Amelie, which he and Phoebe had watched a while back, before everything began to fall apart. He remembered being totally enchanted by the innocence and the quiet beauty of the film. It was something he had never imagined in all his years as a demon. Now, the music relaxed him, soothed him. 

            Cole knew that the ball was now in Phoebe's court. He could do all he can to persuade her otherwise, but the choice was ultimately hers. Whether he should stay or go, it was all up to her now. The frustration he had felt earlier had faded into simple acceptance. 

            The bell rang. Cole walked to the door and opened it to find a slightly nervous Phoebe standing in front of him. "Hi," she said, hesitantly.

            "Hi," Cole said as he opened the door wider. "Come on in," he said, hating the polite, talking-to-a-stranger tone of voice that he had unconsciously adopted.

            Phoebe entered the apartment warily. For a while, the two of them just stood by the door, looking at each other in an awkward silence, caught between the desire to say something and the inability to say anything. 

            "Look Cole – "

            "Phoebe – "

            The two of them stopped and stared at each other. Finally, Cole said, "You first."

            Phoebe took a deep breath. "Cole, I've thought about this. There's no way this can work… not now, not after all that has happened. It's just too hard… it shouldn't be this hard…" she looked into his eyes pleading for him to understand what she couldn't convey adequately in words.

            Cole moved closer to Phoebe and held her hands in his. "I know," he said softly, "I know it hasn't been easy on you. But this time it'll work out. I'll _make it work."_

            Phoebe shook her head as she pulled her hands away from his. "No, Cole. We don't know for certain what's going to happen. I don't have the strength to take this again. I love you, Cole," the tears began to well in her eyes, "but it isn't enough. It's better if we just end it now."

            "If we love each other, it should _be enough," Cole argued. "We've been through so much together; can you bear to just see it go to waste?"_

            "I can't, but I know that whichever way we choose, that's the way it's going to end. This way, we spare ourselves the pain." Seeing the look of obstinacy on Cole's face, Phoebe's voice softened, "I'm afraid, Cole. For you, I'm willing to do almost anything – even turn evil. I could hurt my sisters, even destroy the world in the process and that frankly scares me. I could stop myself this time, but what about the next? There's too much at stake, things that are much more than just the two of us."

            Cole sighed. He knew that Phoebe's mind was set. What hurt him all the more was that he understood her reasons and knew that she was feeling as much pain as he was. "There's no changing your mind?" he said softly in resignation.

            Phoebe shook her head.

            Cole managed to force out a small smile as he reached out for Phoebe's hands, "One more dance? For old times sake?"

            Phoebe knew that she should say no, that it was better they ended it as cleanly as possible, but a part of her just couldn't resist. Just one last dance, one last memory for her to store away. She let him pull her into his arms as they danced slowly, as they had so many times before. Her arms tightly around him, his arms tightly around her. Her head against his chest, the feeling of warmth and comfort. His head on her hair, smelling the sweet smell of her. 

            Slowly, Phoebe raised her head to look into his eyes. The visible pain and sadness in them went straight to her heart and she saw her own tear-filled eyes reflected in them. Cole leant into her and their lips met in a kiss that conveyed all the desperation and grief that they felt that at their parting. 

            Afraid that if she let the kiss go on any further, she'll lose all resolve and give in, Phoebe pulled away from Cole. She cupped her hand against his cheek, "Take care of yourself," she said softly, "I'll see you around?"

            "Yeah," Cole said just as softly. Both of them knew that they wouldn't see each other again unless circumstances forced them to. It would only cause them unnecessary pain, being reminded sharply of something that they wanted and couldn't have. 

            As Phoebe walked out of the door, she turned back to look at Cole, a last sad lingering look before she left. Cole watched her go, knowing his life would never be the same again.

*~ To Be Continued ~*


	3. Chapter 3

Regrets

By Risa

Disclaimer: See Chapter 1

Author's Note: Thanks once again for all the reviews, they've been really encouraging! I hope you like this chapter – I did it rather quickly so it might not be that great. Also, this chapter is somewhat linked to my other story, "A Mother's Story" since it features Cole's mother. You don't really have to have read that story to understand what's going on, all you need to know is that Cole's mother isn't totally evil and her spirit, after she was vanquished, was taken by the side of good. Cole's father's soul has also been released.

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Chapter Three

            Phoebe closed the door and leaned against it, shutting her eyes as the tears that she had held back began to fall. Her shoulders began to shake with all the grief and pain that she had been holding in. 

            "Phoebe?" Piper said in concern as she walked over from the living room. She had been waiting for Phoebe to return home, to see how she was doing, to provide comfort should she have the need for it.

            Phoebe tried to force a smile and stop the crying but the smile kept falling apart. "I know what I did was the right thing for both of us, but why does it still feel like I've made a huge mistake?"

            "Oh honey," Piper said as she hugged Phoebe. That was all she could say. A part of her, the protective sister, supported her decision, but the other part of her, the one who had seen how much they had gone through, how much they loved each other could hardly imagine the pain she was feeling. 

            "I keep telling myself that at least Cole's alive – that should be some consolation. But in a way, knowing he's alive makes it worse. Knowing that he's somewhere out there makes it all the harder for me to give him up, to forget him and move on with my life."

            "Phoebe, are you sure you want to go through with this?" Piper said as she stepped back from Phoebe and looked at her earnestly. "It's still not too late for you to turn back."

            Phoebe shook her head. "I can't. It's tempting… God knows how many times I've considered that. But I can't. I've made a decision and I'll stick with it."

            Piper nodded and smiled softly, trying to change the subject. "Come on, let's get you something to eat. You probably haven't eaten anything right?" With that, she gently steered Phoebe into the kitchen.           

            Cole leaned into the sofa and stared up at the ceiling. The feeling of loss, emptiness, and loneliness threatened to engulf him. Phoebe had been the sole reason why he had clung on to his life, why he continued to fight. Their love was all he had left. Without that, he had nothing. 

            Where was he going to go? What was he going to do? Cole had honestly no idea. Going back to evil, to the way things once were before he met Phoebe was not an option – he had closed the door on that a long time ago. Plus, after spending so long with the Charmed Ones, Cole had to admit that he couldn't let himself go back to the side of evil. Moreover, a part of him – a foolish part perhaps – clung to the hope that Phoebe might someday turn around and come back to him and he didn't want to jeopardize that by becoming evil again. He was going to prove to her that it was possible for him to stay good.

            What about working for the side of good then? It was possible. But the Elders and all the higher-ups on the side of good probably wouldn't trust him. He didn't like them either – too much emphasis on damned protocol. They insisted on seeing everything in black and white and Cole knew all too well that most things in this world didn't fit into such neat categories.

            All right then, what about being going solo? Still doing good but on his own terms? 

            Cole laughed at himself mockingly. What was the point? Without Phoebe, nothing in his life mattered. Who knows, it might be better for the entire world if he had just surrendered to the Beast in the Wasteland. 

_Damn, Turner, you're pathetic._

"Cole?" 

Cole turned sharply at the sound of a voice behind him. He looked at the figure in shock. It was his mother. She stood there, a pale, luminous figure hovering slightly above the ground. 

"What are _you doing here?" he said as he stood up. All he wanted then was to be alone. "Hell of a time to decide to visit," he said sarcastically, "Sorry if I'm not in the mood to entertain."_

Elizabeth sighed. After that day when Cole had released his father's soul and they had explained everything to Cole about her and Benjamin's history, they hadn't been allowed to return. Initially, it had something to do with protocol. Benjamin, being new, wasn't allowed to leave for a period of time. When that period had been lifted, the two of them were still not allowed to see Cole because by then, Cole had become the Source. Elizabeth was _sure that it was because the Elders didn't trust her not to help her son against them. Elizabeth was on the verge of just ignoring rules, protocol and everything else to see Cole when she had a rather surprising visitation._

"This isn't really a casual visit," she said. She walked towards Cole and placed her hand on Cole's face, "I'm sorry." She had seen everything that had happened between Cole and Phoebe and her heart ached at the pain and sorrow that she knew her son was going through.

"Yeah, well, I'll live. I always have," Cole said emotionlessly. Even though he now knew the truth, that his mother was not truly evil, Cole was still unwilling to show his emotions. For too long he had been trained to keep his emotions under careful control, to not let them show so that they couldn't be used against him. Phoebe was the first person in a long time that he had opened up to. "So what _are you here for? _

_What were you expecting, __Elizabeth__? For him to confide in you, to allow you to comfort him? He's spent too long hating you to do that. And you know __how he was brought up. Elizabeth reprimanded herself as she withdrew her hand from Cole's face and sighed once more. "You know that the Underworld is currently in chaos?"_

Cole nodded.

"In the bid to gain leadership and power, there is a chance that something would be done to destroy the world. Even if one demon manages to successfully take over the role of the Source, he or she might be more reckless than the Source and who knows what will happen? You are aware that there are people involved in the occult who are essentially neutral?"

Cole nodded again, his interest piqued.

"Well, they wanted someone to watch over the Underworld and keep it in check. At the same time, they don't want to see the Underworld totally destroyed either. They felt that given your history, you'll be the best one for the job – which is why your soul went to the Wasteland instead of going where human souls usually go. They wanted to test you."

"_What!" Cole shouted in anger. "You mean I went through all that because some damned bloody control-freaks got it into their heads that they wanted to __test me?" Cole began to swear, switching from one language to another once he had exhausted all the profanities that he knew. All the days spent scrambling, running and hiding from the Beast when he could have been someplace else… _

Elizabeth nodded grimly. "Trust me, I've already yelled at them about it." A smile appeared on her face. "I also called in a favour and all of them have been having big painful boils on their faces for the past week."

Cole laughed as Elizabeth shrugged. "It's childish I know, but there was not much else I could do to them." Then she said earnestly, "If you don't want to do this, then just say no. One thing these people are big about is free will."

Cole considered his options. There wasn't much left in his life. This gave his life some sort of purpose and direction instead of merely wandering around the world aimlessly. At the same time, he could still covertly protect Phoebe and her sisters. "What are they offering in return?"

"You'll get access to whatever information or knowledge you require that they have – much more than what you can get on your own. Also they can provide magical support if you need it."

That would be useful. If he went solo, all he might be able to do was just random good acts, nothing that could substantially help Phoebe and her sisters. They would provide him with the resources he needed. But a part of him still resisted their offer. He was still angry at their high-handedness at sending him to the Wasteland. Cole didn't like the idea of having to report back to people. "Should I take the offer?" he asked his mother, needing the advice of someone just then.

Elizabeth shook her head. "I don't know. I'm just the messenger. As far as I can see, there doesn't seem to be any hidden strings attached. But I know that you can trust the neutrals to keep to their word, whatever you decide to do, which is more than what you can say for either side."

Cole took a deep breath. "I'll do it," he said then, "on condition that I have autonomy to do what I want without any meddling. And that I can leave this job whenever I want to."

Elizabeth nodded. "I'll tell them." Then her face softened with sympathy and tenderness. "You did what you could. This was what she wanted – you just respected her wishes. You can't force these things, Cole." Her expression turned pained. "If I knew how to just let go, Raynor might not have been able to use me against your father by convincing me that your father was having an affair. (1)"

Cole sighed. Impulsively he hugged his mother, pouring out all the emotions that he had been holding back. Elizabeth held him tightly, regretting all the mistakes that she had made which caused them to be separated for so long. There was so much that she had to make up for but this was a start at least.  

*~ To Be Continued ~*

Footnotes:

(1) This is in reference to A Mother's Story. Elizabeth had killed Cole's father after she was tricked by Raynor into believing that he was having an affair with a witch. 

Just a brief note again on Elizabeth that I think needs explanation – I think that it's possible for a demon to change and to love, more difficult but still possible. I don't think it's as clear as black and white. This doesn't mean that Elizabeth is now good though. She falls somewhere in between. She knows what it means to love and it's changed her. Basically, she feels that she can't be evil anymore because she's aware of the pain and horror that she would feel if someone hurt Benjamin and doesn't wish that on anyone else. 

That's all from me for now. Once again, I hope you liked this chapter! If you have any questions, feel free to email me. 


	4. Chapter 4

Regrets

By Risa

Disclaimer: See Chapter 1

Author's Note: This chapter is rather different from the previous ones – it has something that might actually resemble a plot. :-) And there's not as much angst in it. I hope you guys would enjoy this chapter! Comments are really, greatly appreciated.  

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Chapter Four

            Phoebe hummed along with the music as she sorted through her wardrobe. She was beginning to run out of closet space and decided that she should finally get around removing some of the junk inside. As she pushed aside her clothes, she saw the edge of a box peeking out of the shadows. Impulsively, Phoebe dragged it out and opened it.

            Inside were all the photographs of her and Cole, every gift that he had given her… pretty much everything that reminded her of him. Phoebe sighed. It had been two years since he had left. Her life had continued in pretty much the same way as before. She still had her advice column – in fact, she now worked on advice columns for several different magazines and papers. She and her sisters still vanquished demons and other evil stuff although that had gotten less frequent with the struggle for power in the Underworld. A few months ago though, Leo had told them that one particular demon had managed to seize power and become the new Source. Even so, they were still not attacked as often as before since the new Source was too busy consolidating his hold over the Underworld to do anything about the Charmed Ones. Phoebe knew though that it wouldn't be long before he started his own scheming.

            In any case, this break, however short it was going to be, was fully appreciated by Piper and Leo when their daughter Melinda was born. 

            And throughout these two years she hadn't thought about Cole. 

            Well, not that much at least. She had gotten it down to once a week. 

            It was ridiculous really. She could do something totally mundane such as buying a bottle of wine and she would find herself wondering if it was something Cole would like. But it was at night that she missed him the most. When she was alone in her room, staring at the ceiling and everywhere was quiet…

            God, she was beginning to sound like a bad romance novel. 

            She had heard nothing about Cole for the past two years – not a whistle, not a sound. Right now she found herself wondering how he had been, what he had been doing. 

            Phoebe shook her head and closed the box, pushing it back into its corner. There was no point in thinking about the past. It only brought regrets and sadness, things that she could live without.

            "Phoebe," Piper said as she walked into the room, interrupting Phoebe's reverie. "Could you pass this to Nina?" She held out a small silver bracelet in her hand. "It slipped out while she was playing with Mel."

            "Sure," Phoebe said, walking over. Nina was a seven-year-old girl who had moved in next door with her parents a year ago.

            "Thanks," Piper said, "I would do it myself but I'm already late for Mel's check-up."

            The premonition hit Phoebe when her fingers touched the bracelet. She saw Nina killing her parents in a way that was hauntingly familiar to Phoebe.

            She had thrown fire – a power that only belonged to upper level demons. 

            As the premonition faded, she heard Piper ask in concern, "Phoebe, what's wrong? What did you see?"

            Phoebe took a deep breath in an effort to calm herself. "Get Paige here. And I think you better cancel that appointment. I just saw Nina kill her parents. I think she's a demon."

========

            "Hold on a sec, you're saying that our neighbor is a _demon? That she's stayed beside us for a __year without us suspecting __anything?" Paige said, slightly incredulously. She, Phoebe, Piper and Leo were in the kitchen, discussing Phoebe's premonition._

            "I don't know, that's what I saw in my premonition," Phoebe said. 

            "But she seems so innocent," Piper said, "and she's so gentle when she plays with Mel." Piper felt a shiver run down her back. If Nina really was a demon, then she had unknowingly placed her daughter in danger. Melinda could have been hurt. Or even killed.

            "Well, you know as well as I do that demon kids can appear totally innocent," Phoebe said, remembering the incident with the ice-cream man. 

            "Whatever it is, we _need to take precautions," Leo said. _

            "_What kind of precautions? We don't even __know for certain that she's a demon," Paige said._

            "Then we test her," Piper said, "There might a spell in the Book for that. Or…" she turned to Leo, "can you contact the Ice Cream Man?"

            "The ice-cream man?" Paige echoed, puzzled.

            "Kinda like a Pied-Piper for demon children – goes around in ice-cream truck, plays this tune which attracts demon children and traps them," Phoebe explained quickly.

            "If we can get him here, we'll be able to find out whether Nina's really a demon and vanquish her at the same time if she is," Piper said. "So can you get him?"

            "I'll see what I can do," Leo said, as he orbed out of the kitchen.

            "Ok, I'll go see what I can get off the Net about Nina and her family," Phoebe said.

            "We'll check the Book and see if there's anything," Piper said. She and Paige went upstairs to the attic.

            Two hours later, the four of them were back in the kitchen. "I couldn't find anything suspicious about them," Phoebe said as she leaned back in her chair, "no suspicious accidents, disappearances… nothing."

            "We couldn't find anything either," Paige said.

            "It took a while but I managed to track down Caleb and he said he'll be able to be here tomorrow," Leo said.

            "All right then," Piper said, "We'll wait. Meanwhile, keep a lookout for anything suspicious next door."

            "Did you even need to tell us?" Paige said wryly.

========

            "He's here!" Phoebe shouted. She was standing by the living room window, peeking through the curtain. 

            Paige and Piper ran out as they squeezed together to spy at the street. They saw a white ice-cream truck stop in front of their house.

            They listened and watched as the music began to play. They waited. 

            Five minutes. Nothing.

            Fifteen minutes. Nothing.

            "Are you sure they're home today?" Paige asked.

            "I didn't see anyone leave the house yet," Phoebe replied. Just then, they saw Nina walk out of the house with her mother. They saw Nina point towards the truck and saw her mother shake her head. With that, the two of them turned away from the ice-cream truck and continue walking down the street.

            "Nope, she's not a demon," Piper said. "She didn't have the glazed-over look those demon children had the last time."

            "How do you explain my premonition then?" 

            "Could it be possession?" Paige asked. It had been a relief for her to find out that Nina wasn't a demon and her mind raced, trying to figure out possible explanations for Phoebe's premonition. 

            "I don't know," Piper said, frustrated. Phoebe's premonition couldn't have just appeared out of nowhere. But here, staring in their face was evidence that Nina was just a normal child. There were a dozen possibilities but no way of finding out which one of them was true. "All we can do now is to just do some more research and see if we can find out anything."

            "I'll watch Nina, in case something happens," Paige suggested. 

            "I guess that's pretty much all we can do right now," Phoebe said, sighing. She hated this sense of being out of her depth. There were times when her power of premonitions totally frustrated her with its ambiguity. What use were her premonitions if they were so damned _vague?_

========

            Late that night, a woman shimmered into Nina's bedroom. She made no sound at all as she walked over to the bed, where Nina was sleeping soundly. Her hand raised palm up over Nina's head, she began to chant softly. A blue ball of energy appeared over her palm which slowly turned into a menacing red. Then the orb floated above her hand and rested above Nina. The orb burst and Nina's body began to give off the same red glow. It lasted for a minute before the glow disappeared. It was as if nothing had happened. A smile of satisfaction on her face, the woman shimmered out. 

~* To Be Continued ~*

Author's Note: No Cole in this chapter… I just couldn't fit him in. He'll be back in the next chapter though. :-)


	5. Chapter 5

Regrets

By Risa

Disclaimer: See Chapter 1

Comments/Reviews are greatly appreciated and adored. :-) I hope you enjoy this chapter! 

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Chapter Five

            It was late when Cole unlocked the door to his apartment. For the past two years he had been moving from place to place, working for the neutrals. He was now in Los Angeles, checking out information that a group of demons were developing technology that could possibly serve as a dampener on psychic talent. Cole had quickly found out that wherever these claims came from, they were totally baseless. He sighed as he sat down on the sofa, leaning back into the soft cushion.

            At that moment, with her usual impeccable timing, Elizabeth appeared in front of him.

            "You better tell the neutrals to check their source of information. A monkey knows more about technology than these demons did," Cole said.

            Elizabeth shrugged. "As I've told you a dozen times before, I'm just the bloody messenger. Besides, you weren't exactly obligated to check it out since they weren't really sure about the information's reliability anyway." 

            Cole chose not to respond to that jibe. "So when are they finally going to give you a rest from messenger duty?"

            "When I'm dead probably," Elizabeth said cheerfully.

            "Really? You're looking a little translucent for someone still alive."

             "Much as I'll like to continue this very interesting but totally irrelevant conversation, I was actually sent here to pass you more information," Elizabeth said.

            "It better be more reliable this time," Cole muttered, "I'm getting sick of running around for nothing."

            "It's pretty reliable this time," Elizabeth said seriously, "I've seen some of it myself. Trust me Cole, you don't want to take this lightly." 

            Cole looked at his mother and knew that she was in total earnest. Over the past two years, they had grown closer. Partly because after he left Phoebe, Cole didn't have anyone else that he could really talk to, alienated as he was from good and evil. "So? What do they have?"

            "You probably know that for a long time, some demons have tried to combine a human's soul with a demon's essence. But all of their attempts had backfired on them."

            Cole nodded. "I've seen some of the results. Either the person was killed in the process or a bond just couldn't be formed."

            "It seems as if they've finally achieved success," Elizabeth said, "The neutrals have found seven occasions where a human had suddenly displayed demonic powers." She passed Cole a stack of papers. Flipping through it, Cole saw several photographs and reports detailing each incident. "Most of these people tend to be upright, moral sort of people, you know, the pillars of the community that kind of thing," Elizabeth rolled her eyes.

            Cole knew this was bad. Witches and other forces of good wouldn't be able to sense them because the human aspect would mask the demon's aura. More demons could now easily blend in with humans. Previously, only high level demons had sufficient power to take on human form. Furthermore, this meant that there was now a way to resurrect vanquished demons. "Is the new Source behind this?"

            "Probably," Elizabeth said, "but they don't know for sure."

            "So I assume that they want me to check it out, find out who's behind it, how they're doing it, who else they have done it to and then remove all trace of the method so that no one can do it again?"

            "You're such a smart boy," Elizabeth said dryly. "Yes, that's pretty much it."

            "All right then," Cole said, "I'll get started."

            "Be careful," she reminded.

            "When am I not?"

            After Elizabeth left, Cole went into his room and took out a black robe from his cupboard. He quickly cast an illusion over himself. Illusions were one of the powers that he had picked up in the Wasteland in what seemed like a lifetime ago. It was a rather useful power and worked on most low and medium level demons. The persona he now took was one of his old "friends" in the Brotherhood, Tanus. Putting on the robe, he sent himself to one of the gathering places of the Underworld.  

            Like most of the Underworld, it was dark but it bustled with activity. Here was where most of the demons met, usually to boast about their latest exploit. One of the very first things that Cole had learnt as a demon was that you could learn a lot if you remained inconspicuous and listened carefully. Cole got himself a drink and leaned against the wall.

            It took a few hours before he finally found what he was looking for. A female demon and a male demon were talking.

            "I just heard something about the new Source successfully combining a demon with a human. Probably more propaganda crap." the male was saying.

            "I'll be careful about who I say that to," the female said, "He's a little testy when it comes to people showing disrespect to his authority. And what you heard was true."

            "And how should _you know?"_

            "Because I've done it. The Source had set up a group of demons to look into it and after that, they taught a couple of us so that they could carry out more tests."

            "How do I know you're not bluffing?" the male said suspiciously.

            "Hang around the San Francisco region near Prescott Street for a while," the woman said, "the last one was a seven-year-old girl." The male tried to get her to tell him how she had done it, but she refused to say anything more. After that, their conversation turned to other matters.

            _San Francisco, Cole thought to himself as he went back to his apartment, __great. And he recognised the address – it was the same street as the Halliwells._

            This all brought one person straight into his mind – Phoebe.

            He sighed as he began to pack the things that he thought he would need. For two years, he had kept himself away from Phoebe, largely to protect himself. Seeing her, talking to her, but yet knowing that he couldn't be with her was just something he couldn't do. It was better if he stayed far away. He had seen the determination on Phoebe's face when she ended their relationship and had decided that he didn't want to make it more difficult for her.

            For two years he had travelled around the world, working. He buried himself in his work with the Underworld since it distracted him, prevented him from having to face up to the barrenness of his life. He still kept an ear out for news about Phoebe and her sisters, following the progress of their lives. But that was it. 

            _Focus, Turner, he told himself mentally, __you've got more important things to worry about right now. Things that take precedence over your own pathetic love life. _

            Cole took a deep breath as he finished his packing. He disappeared from his apartment and reappeared at one of the back alleys in San Fran. Whatever happened, he'll deal.

            Three sleepy sisters came down to the kitchen that morning. "Coffee," Paige muttered. "I need caffeine or I can't think."

            "I can't believe it. Most of the night spent reading and we found absolutely _nothing," Phoebe said. _

            "Leo checked with the Elders," Piper said, "but they didn't have anything either."

            "Where's Leo by the way?" Paige asked.

            "He brought Melinda to the babysitter. It'll be safer that way," Piper replied.

            Just then they heard a scream from next door. The three of them were instantly awake as they ran next door. "Great. _Now what are we supposed to do?" Phoebe said as she ran. _

            "Improvise," Piper said.

            "That's helpful," Paige muttered.

            When they got next door, they saw, unfolding before them, exactly what Phoebe had seen in her premonition. Nina, shooting a ball of flame directly at her parents. The three of them stared at the girl in shock, not just at her actions, but at the expression of warped, sadistic pleasure. They didn't know what to do. Taking out a demon or warlock was one thing. Trying to take out a kid, especially a kid that you knew well, was another. The three of them stood there, rooted to the ground as Nina turned towards them. She raised her hand to throw another bolt of flame when instinctively; Piper waved her hand, causing Nina to explode.

            "Oh my God," Piper said numbly, as she stared at her own hand in shock, "I just killed a child."

            "Piper, you didn't," Phoebe said urgently, holding Piper by the shoulders, "she was evil. She would have killed us."

            "You did what you had to," Paige said.

            Piper hardly heard what they said. All she saw was a memory of Nina playing innocently in the garden outside her home and her own daughter… somehow, her mind couldn't register the fact that Nina had attacked them and Piper had acted in self-defence. Phoebe looked at Piper worriedly. "Come on," she told Paige, "let's get her home."

            Both of them supporting Piper on either side, they went back to the manor. Piper sat down heavily on the sofa, her mind still a blur. Meanwhile, Paige shouted for Leo. When Leo orbed into the living room, he immediately noticed the blankness on Piper's face, "What happened?" he said in worry and concern.

            "Nina," Phoebe said shortly, "My premonition came true and Piper vanquished her."

            Leo sat beside Piper, placing his arm around her shoulders and drawing her close. "You did what you had to."

            "I know," Piper said, as she leaned into Leo, accepting the comfort and warmth that he offered, "but Nina was so sweet, gentle, innocent… I remember thinking that I wouldn't mind if Mel was a kid like her… and then I killed her…"

            Phoebe and Paige glanced at each other, silently agreeing to leave the living room and give Piper and Leo some privacy. The two of them walked out into the foyer. 

            "I'll go pick up Mel from the babysitter," Paige said quietly, "it might be good for Piper to see her. Take her mind off things."

            Phoebe nodded, sighing as she glanced back into the living room.

            Ten minutes later, the phone rang. "Hello?" Phoebe said, answering the phone.

            "A demon's taken Melinda! Get over here quick!" Paige shouted urgently into the phone. 

*~ To Be Continued ~*


	6. Chapter 6

Regrets

By Risa

Disclaimer: See Chapter 1

Comments/Reviews are greatly appreciated and adored. :-) I hope you enjoy this chapter! 

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            "What do you _mean a demon took Mel?" Phoebe demanded, her voice rising in volume._

            "What demon? What's happened Mel?" Piper shouted in panic as she ran out of the living room, Leo following closely behind her. They had heard Phoebe's shout from the living room. 

            "Was that Piper?" Paige asked.

            "Yeah," Phoebe said, "I think you better talk to her," before she could finish saying that however, Piper had already grabbed the phone from her. "What happened?"

            "I went to Rita's to pick up Mel but no one answered the door. So I just went in since the door was unlocked. _Then I saw Rita chanting something over Mel and there was this red glow. She saw me and flung an energy ball at me. I orbed to dodge it and she shimmered away with Mel," Paige's words, in her own panic and worry, were running into each other and she had scarcely taken a breath as she quickly explained what had happened to Piper._

            "Oh God," Piper said, as she stumbled a little, almost losing her balance. Leo, who had been waiting in anxiety and worry, rushed to Piper and supported her. She took a deep breath as she leaned into Leo before standing straight again. _Don't panic, she told herself mentally, __don't get hysterical. You're no good to Mel if you break down now. "Hold on," she told Paige tightly, "we'll be right there."_

            "What happened to Mel?" Leo asked in worry.

            Piper quickly told them what Paige had told her. She managed to keep her voice steady and free from the hysteria that was threatening to overpower her. "Leo, could you orb Paige back here?"

            He nodded. A part of him was panicking about the safety for his daughter but his years of being a Whitelighter taught him not he could not afford that right now. All his concentration and focus had to be on finding Mel. He looked at Piper, marvelling once more at her strength, her ability to put aside her own fears and worries. 

            "Phoebe, when Paige gets here, you two go through the Book and see what you can find. I'll try to scry for Mel," Piper felt the need to do something, anything. If she just stayed there, passive, she would go crazy with worry. She and Phoebe went up the stairs to the attic.

            When Leo orbed into the attic with Paige, she immediately ran to Piper, saying, "I'm sorry… I should have done something…" 

            "None of us suspected that Rita was a demon, at least you're safe," Piper said as she hugged Paige. 

            "But how?" Phoebe asked. "Rita's stayed here all her life. If there was anything demonic about her, we would have picked it up. And she's babysat Mel for more than a year now. If she was a demon, then she could have taken Mel a long time ago. Why now?" 

            "That's what we need to find out," Leo said, "Demon can have amazing patience sometimes and there are times when demons can seem remarkably human."

            "Like Nina," Piper said quietly.

            "Like Nina," Leo echoed, nodding.

            "All right," Piper said, "let's get to work." As she took out the map and crystal, she glanced upwards. _Let Mel come home safely, that's all I ask. _

            Cole walked away from the Halliwell manor, deep in thought. He had been walking along Prescott Street, keeping a lookout for any sign of demonic powers being used by a human. He had arrived at the house beside the Halliwells just in time to see a young girl about to fling a ball of flame at the sisters. For a moment, the only thought that was in his mind was that he had to protect Phoebe. He was about to intervene when he saw Piper blow up the girl. Cole had heaved a huge sigh of relief, mainly because Phoebe was safe and partly also because he was spared the awkwardness of a meeting with her. He honestly had no idea what he was going to say, what he was going to do when he saw her. All he knew was that once she was near him, talking to him, he wouldn't be able to tear himself away easily.

            When they had gone back into their house, Cole had gone into the girl's home, to see what he could find. Entering what he guessed was the girl's room; Cole was immediately assaulted with a sense of evil. Cole guessed that this was probably the place where the spell was done – the mark of a demon's essence on the surrounding environment was one not easily erased. Beyond that, he could find nothing else.

            Even though he should have just left at that point, Cole still had a nagging feeling within him, as if something was not quite right, as if there was something that he was just not seeing. And when you had powers like Cole had, you tend not to ignore your feelings. Cole walked out of the house and walked towards the Halliwell Manor, letting his intuition guide him.

            _Or maybe it's the love-sick fool inside you that's guiding you there, he thought mockingly. Whatever it was, he should at least double-check to make sure that they were safe. And perhaps he could just catch a glimpse of Phoebe, something for him to store away in his memories of her._

            _You're one sad man, Turner. _

            From outside the window, he saw a flurry of activity and the anxious looks on the faces of Phoebe, Piper and Leo. Cole immediately knew that something had happened. He transported himself to a hidden corner near the three of them, silently listening to their conversation. Over the past two years, he had managed to polish his spying abilities quite a bit and they were now proving to be very useful.

            He listened to what Piper told them as his mind put the pieces together. _That was why the demons had taken such a risk carrying out the procedure so near the Charmed Ones. It was meant as a distraction. Whoever it was – The Source probably – __meant for the Charmed Ones to find out about the girl.  _

            Cole had to find out who had done this and get Melinda Halliwell back home to her family safely. It was the very least he could do.

            He went back to the meeting place that he had been to before, using the same illusion. This time, he didn't simply sit in a corner quietly. He walked up to the male demon who had been talking to the female demon the last time he was here.

            "Hey, what's this I hear about some demon being able to kidnap the kid of one of the Charmed Ones?" he said conversationally.

            "Where did you hear that from?" the demon said, nonchalant. 

            "A friend of mine who stays in the area swears that he saw the fireworks when the demon took the kid," Cole took a sip of his drink, as he stealthily slipped a powder into the demon's drink. "Must be quite a demon, to get past the Charmed Ones' defences so easily."

            The demon took a sip of his drink. "Nah, it wasn't a demon. 'Twas this new thing the Source's come up with. Combining demon essence with human soul… insane if you ask me. Anyway, they did it to this human and they managed to get the baby."

            "But what are they going to do with the child? It'll probably be more of a liability than an asset. The Charmed Ones won't let us demons off so easily."

            "They've got the perfect idea," the male demon said, "this time, instead of combining it with a human soul, they're going to combine the demon essence with the witch child. Then they're going to deliver the child back to the witches and just sit back, watch, and wait."

              "Sounds like a good plan," Cole said casually, "would like to see it in effect myself."

            The demon laughed. "Can't help you there. You'll have to look for Alenia – she's the one who's involved with this operation. Good luck asking her though, woman's fiercer than the Source's flames."

            "Thanks," Cole said, getting up, "been nice talking to you."

            The powder which one of the neutrals had given him had turned out to be very useful. It worked like a truth serum for demons. Cole wasn't quite sure what it contained, but it was damned effective. 

            Cole remembered Alenia from his days as Belthazor. The two of them had been close for a while. It didn't surprise Cole that Alenia was involved with this. She had always preferred using cloak and dagger methods rather than a blunt, obvious strike. Cole remembered where her quarters were and decided to try his luck and see if he could find her there. If not, he could wait and force the information he wanted out of her, he thought to himself grimly.

            He walked to Alenia's quarters rather than using his powers just in case she could sense the use of them. When he got there, he saw Alenia talking with another demon. He hid in the shadows by the entrance, listening to their conversation.

            "Is everything set at the warehouse?" Alenia asked.

            The man nodded. "Everything is just as you ordered."

            "Good," Alenia said in a satisfied tone. "The demon should get full control in a few days. Then we'll be rid of the Charmed Ones once and for all.

            _Great, Cole thought. He was too late. He could just imagine the scene right now: __I'm sorry, but your daughter or niece currently has a demon's soul running around inside her. And you just might have to kill her if we can't reverse it. _

            Cole sighed. He only hoped that they could trust him. It might be too late for them otherwise. __

            "Nothing," Piper said, shutting the Book in frustration. "No demon or warlock that resembles Rita. Either she was using a disguise all the time, or she's new or…"

            Just then Leo orbed into the attic. Piper looked at him hopefully. "Did the Elders have anything?"

            Leo shook his head. "All that they know is that Mel has been taken to the Underworld."

            "Gee, tell us something we _don't already know," Paige said sarcastically._

            "What are we going to do? How are we going to _find her?" Piper said desperately. Her control over her emotions was threatening to give way to full-blown hysteria._

            "Calm down," Phoebe said, putting an arm around Piper. "Try scrying again, see whether you can find her this time."

            "I've scried dozens of times and I couldn't find anything," Piper said, "this time probably wouldn't be any different."

            "Just give it one more try," Paige said, as she placed the crystal in Piper's hand.

            Piper sighed as she raised the crystal over the map. This time it worked as the crystal was pulled onto a spot on the map. "I've got it! I've got something." She quickly scribbled down the address and ran out of the attic and down the stairs, with Phoebe, Paige and Leo following closely behind her.

            "Can someone tell me why demons just _love warehouses?" Phoebe muttered as Piper stopped the car along a row of non-descript and fairly old warehouses._

            "Anonymity," Leo said, "they don't really want to attract attention."

            "That was supposed to be a rhetorical question Leo," Phoebe said.

            Piper hushed them as they neared the door of one of the warehouses. She slowly opened the door and they walked in, silently and cautiously. In front of them, on the wide empty space of the warehouse, they saw Melinda lying on a table with three demons surrounding her, chanting. One of them was holding a knife above her. Piper immediately raised her hand and froze all of them. 

            "Leo, get Melinda and orb her out of here," Piper said, in a quiet, deadly tone, her yes never leaving the three demons. Once Leo had left with Melinda, she raised her hand again and exploded each of the demons one at a time. Paige and Phoebe glanced at each other at this rather uncharacteristic show of violence but chose not to say anything. "No one hurts _my daughter," she muttered as she turned around to walk out of the warehouse._

            When they got home, Piper rushed to the still unconscious Melinda. Leo was sitting on the couch in the living room, with his daughter held in his arms. "Is she okay?" she asked, looking at Leo worriedly.

            "She's fine, she's just asleep," Leo said, the relief visible on his face.

            "Thank God," Piper said, as she knelt on the floor beside Leo and smoothed the hair away from Mel's face and gently kissed her forehead.

            Just then the doorbell rang. "I'll get it," Phoebe said as she ran to the door. Phoebe could hardly describe her own feeling of relief to see Melinda home, safe and sound. She opened the door only to see someone that she had thought she would never see again. The smile on her face vanished as her expression changed to one of shock.

            "Cole?" she said incredulously, scarcely daring to believe her eyes.      

            "Hi," he said hesitantly, "Could I come in?"

*~ To Be Continued~*  

_Cindy – thanks for your great ideas. They've really helped – given me some suggestions on which direction I could take and also made me consider certain things which I'll never have thought of on my own._

_Barb – thanks for all your great comments so far. They've been really encouraging. Yep, quite a few of the neutrals can be as bad as the Elders, but a couple of them can be remarkably… well, human. More stuff about them will be in the next chapter._

_CharmingBecca__ – It'll be a while before Melinda's clear of the danger zone, there's still more to come before she's completely safe. To say anything more will be to give away the story. ; )  _

_Ashley and Maggie – thanks for your reviews… characterisation is something that's pretty important to me, so it's good to know that I'm on the right track. _

_CharmingTia__, geminiUK – As for Cole and Phoebe getting back together, I'm working on it. :-) _

_Cathie – Glad you liked it. I have a tendency of getting too carried away when I do angst. _

_Thanks once again for all the comments. I hoped you liked this chapter. _


	7. Chapter 7

Regrets

By Risa

Disclaimer: See Chapter 1

Comments/Reviews are greatly appreciated and adored. Thanks for all your reviews so far and sorry for the long wait. :-)

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Chapter Seven

            Phoebe blinked. In her shock, her brain had barely registered what Cole was saying. "Um…" she glanced back into the living room, "I don't really think that's a good idea." Her sisters already had enough shocks in one day, this could wait.

            Phoebe stood at the door, just looking at Cole. She had thought of him many times in the past two years but her memories were a pale reflection of the man who was standing in front of her now. He hadn't changed – not that she had expected to. Looking at Cole now, all she could think of was how much she had missed him.

            Cole had also been staring at Phoebe. She still looked as beautiful as before but her eyes showed that she had gotten wiser, matured in the years that they had been apart. Cole had always known that he missed Phoebe. He drank in the sight of her like a man who had been wandering in the desert and had found an oasis. 

            They would have just stood there if Paige hadn't interrupted. "Phoebe," she said as she walked towards the door, "who is it?" Before Phoebe could do or say anything, Paige saw Cole standing in front of the door. "Cole?" she said in surprise which turned to suspicion. "What are _you doing here?" _

            "Look," Cole said, "you guys are in danger. I've found out some stuff that you really need to know."

            "Hm, that always seems to be the case when you're around," Paige said sarcastically. Phoebe glared at her. Then she nodded at Cole, "C'mon in." 

            Paige dragged Phoebe aside. "Are you sure about this?" she whispered. "What if he had something to do with Mel's kidnapping? I mean, it's a bit of a coincidence him appearing so soon after we got Mel back."

            Phoebe glanced back at Cole and shook her head. "We don't know for sure, what if he really has something important? Anyway, there are four of us and this is our turf. We should be able to handle him. Let's just listen to what he has to say." 

Paige sighed and shrugged, "I guess. But being careful doesn't hurt." 

"Don't worry," Phoebe told her before smiling at Cole politely, "Just come in." She turned and went into the living room with Paige and Cole following behind her, Paige throwing the occasional suspicious glance at Cole. Piper and Leo looked up and saw them enter with surprise.

            "Let's skip the whole 'what am I doing here' routine again," Cole said before Leo and Piper could say anything. "We don't exactly have the time. You know about the new Source right?"

            "Yeah," Phoebe said, "Leo told us about him."

            "The Elders received news that a demon had managed to get control of the Underworld. He doesn't have the full powers of the Source yet though, since the Grimoire is gone," Leo said.

            Cole nodded. "Unfortunately, without the Grimoire, the demons in the Underworld have been forced to experiment. Most of them blow up in their face – very often literally – but they've got some successes." He went on to tell them about what he had found out about the combining of humans and demons.

            "This is pretty interesting, but what's it got to do with us?" Piper said.

            Cole sighed. _Here goes, he thought, before telling them about Melinda._

            "You're saying that _my daughter has a demon inside her?" Piper said incredulously. Her eyes narrowed. "How can we trust you? What if this is a trap? Your friends in the warehouse couldn't finish the job so you're here to clean up their mess?"_

            Cole had expected this reaction. He knew that it looked suspicious, but he couldn't think of an alternative. He had no idea when the demon would gain control and time wasn't something he wanted to waste. He looked at Phoebe, "I told you in the Wasteland that the Source was gone, why would I work with evil again?"

            "I can think of a few reasons," Paige muttered. But the suspicious look on Phoebe's face had begun to soften as she remembered what had happened in the Wasteland and after. Maybe he was speaking the truth. Cole hadn't seemed evil then, she didn't think that he'll be evil now. 

            "Look, if my daughter had a demon in her, I would have sensed it," Leo said. He refused to believe that this could happen to his daughter and after all that had happened, he felt that they had to be very careful before trusting Cole again.

            "That's the point!" Cole retorted, "You're not supposed to sense it until it's too late." 

            "Cole, do you have any way of letting us verify what you just said? Or can you prove to us that we can trust you?" Phoebe said in as calm and as rational a voice as she could manage.

            Cole stared at her, the exasperation and irritation evident on his face. He had been expecting their suspicion, he knew that it was understandable after all that he had put them through, but damn it, it still frustrated him. "I just found out about the process myself. I've no idea how it works." Then a thought occurred to him. "Leo, check with the Elders. They should tell you that I'm working for the neutrals and not evil. I'll give a call to a couple of neutrals – they'll support what I told you."

            "You're working for _them?" Leo said in surprise. All Whitelighters had been told about the neutrals. They were warned to be wary of the neutrals as you never knew which side they were working for. "I guess it makes sense," he mused. "All right, I'll go, but if you hurt any of them…"_

            "Just go already," Cole said irritably. Leo orbed out as Cole took out his cell phone. Before he could make the call, Phoebe asked, "Wait a minute, who are the neutrals?"

            "The neutrals basically refer to a group of occultists that don't work for either good or evil. They're more interested in maintaining the status quo. They don't want the Underworld to get too strong but they don't want to see it destroyed either," Cole said, before he dialed a number.

            "Basil Chang," a voice answered distractedly. His voice was almost drowned out by the background noise of the room – sounds of shouting and laughter. 

            "Basil? It's Cole," Cole said.

            "Hey," Basil said in that same distracted tone, "what can I do for you?" Before Cole could reply, Basil started shouting, "What the _hell is that bloody referee __doing?" Then he began cursing. In the background similar sounds were going on._

            "Basil?"

            "Yeah, sorry about that," Basil said, finally actually paying attention to Cole, "football match."

            "Don't you mean soccer?" Cole said with an amused grin.

            "_Don't get me started on that," Basil said darkly. "So what do you need?"_

            "You remember the information you guys just asked me to check out? Well, apparently it's true. Some demons have just combined the essence of a demon with a half-witch, half-Whitelighter kid."

            "The Halliwell kid?" Basil said, "Damn it, we should have checked this out earlier."

            "Yeah, well, I need you to get down here, just to back up what I'm saying and assuring the Halliwells that I'm not making this up out of thin air. You can also take a look at the kid, see if there's anything you can do."

             "Sure, just give me the address," Basil said. "Thanks," he said, after Cole had told him the address of the Manor. 

            Cole closed his cell phone and placed it back into his jacket. "He should be here any minute," he told Phoebe, Piper and Paige. 

            "So soon?" Paige said.

            Before Cole could reply, a man walked into the living room. He appeared to be in his late twenties and was tall and lanky. His black hair was messy and he was dressed casually. 

            "Who are you?" Paige asked in alarm. "Where did you come from?"

            "Basil Chang," the man said, grinning. "And I astral projected here." 

            "And you're one of the neutrals Cole was talking about?" Piper asked.

            "Yep," Basil replied, "he said you guys didn't trust him. I'm not surprised, of course," he grinned at Cole, "he doesn't exactly look the trustworthy sort."

            "As if you do," Cole said dryly.

            "Anyway, what Cole told you is true. He was actually sent by us to check out the situation. We had no idea that the Underworld had already advanced as far as it did," Basil said, his voice turning serious.

            "How do we know that you're not lying to help Cole?" Piper asked.

            "Not the trusting sort, are they?" Basil commented to Cole. "Look, we don't exactly have badges that spell out our credentials – " 

            Before he could finish, Leo had orbed into the living room. "So?" Piper prompted once she saw him.

            "It took a while, but the Elders confirmed that Cole has been working with the neutrals. They said to be on guard, but don't totally disregard what the neutrals say," Leo said. 

            "All right then," Piper said, "we'll trust you. _For now. But one wrong move…"_

            Cole nodded. Basil then asked, "Could I have a look at the girl? Just to see if I can find any way of reversing the spell."

            Piper looked at Leo, who nodded. Piper then said, "Okay. But we'll stay here and watch you."

            "I'll wait outside," Cole said as he stood up. He needed to go some place quiet, where he could be alone. He needed time to collect his thoughts and emotions. Seeing Phoebe again, being so near here was almost too much. "I'll just get in the way."

            "I'll go with you," Phoebe said, standing up as well. Phoebe knew that it was probably better for the both of them if they just kept their distance but she couldn't help it. She couldn't resist the urge to find out what how he had been these past two years and just talk to him.

            Cole hesitated. He wanted to tell her "no" but he saw the determined look on her face and knew that there was no point arguing. He nodded as he and Phoebe walked out of the manor.

            Cole sat down on the steps and looked at the street. The sun was beginning to set and the street was quiet. Phoebe sat down beside him and for a while they just sat together in silence. Then, Phoebe broke the silence by asking, "What are the neutrals like?"

            "Hm?" Cole said, slightly startled. "Well, they're a very mixed group of people. Some of them, like Basil, are neutrals 'cause it's the family tradition. Some of them are ex-warlocks or ex-witches… Quite a few of them can be slave-drivers and control freaks but some of them are rather normal and pretty human," Cole said, smiling slightly as he thought about Basil and his soccer obsession.

There was another long pause before Phoebe asked quietly, "So how have you been this past two years?" 

            "I've been…fine," Cole said. _No, he thought, __I've been trying to hide from the pain and regret. I've been trying to stop myself from thinking of you are reliving every moment of the time we spent together. I've been trying not to think about how much I love you and how much I've missed you. But he knew that he couldn't say what he was truly feeling. It made things too complicated. "And you?"_

            "I'm…okay," she said. Inside she was saying, _For__ the past two years I've tried to forget you. I haven't been able to get involved in another relationship because I knew it could only be a pale imitation of what I had with you. I missed your kisses, the way you held me in your arms and there are times when I want you back so much…  _

            They looked at each other and knew that they were lying. They were far from fine, far from okay. There might be order in their lives, but there was still something that they were missing. The attraction that always existed between the two of them drew them unconsciously closer to each other. Phoebe felt her eyes close and her head incline towards his when she heard him say softly, "No."

            She opened her eyes to see him shaking his head. "We shouldn't," he said as he moved away, breathing deeply in an attempt to calm himself.

            Phoebe felt that she had gained something precious just to have it taken from her again. But she knew that he was right. She was the one who wanted to break it off in the first place and she still felt that it was the right thing to do. It was better for them to keep their distance from each other, save them the additional regrets. She managed a small smile and got up. "I think we better go inside and see how they're doing."

            Cole nodded and watched as she walked towards the door. He had wanted so much to just lose himself in her arms and forget everything, but he had regained his senses in time. He knew that if he allowed himself to have this one moment, it won't be enough. He would want more. And he knew that there couldn't be more – not when Phoebe still believed that they should stay apart. Cole admitted to himself that he wanted to spare himself the pain that would invariably come from having false hopes. 

            Cole stood up and walked inside the manor, hoping that this would be over soon and he could go back to the safe life he had created for himself in the past two years. Inside the living room, Basil was kneeling beside Mel, who was still lying on the sofa, unconscious. His eyes were closed and he was holding her wrist, quietly chanting. Piper, Leo and Paige were looking over, worried and concerned. Cole had only been standing there for a few minutes when Basil opened his eyes.

            "So? How is she?" Piper asked anxiously.

            Basil sighed as he stood up. "The witch and Whitelighter in her are fighting against the demon. The struggle for control is why she's still unconscious."

            "That's good right?" Paige said, "If she can resist the demon then the bond will be broken and she should be okay."

            Basil shook his head, "Yes, there is a chance that the bond wouldn't take. But she'll be killed in the process. There's two possible outcomes – one, the demon gains control or two, she is killed by the struggle inside her."

            "Couldn't we use a separation spell?" Piper asked, "I mean Phoebe used it to separate Cole and Belthazor and it worked."

            "But the separation spell was keyed to Belthazor," Cole said, "Right now, we don't even know the identity of the demon essence. Unless we know that, the spell can't work."

            Basil nodded. "Cole's right. I'll go see if any of the other neutrals have any ideas. But you guys need to prepare yourself. If you can't find a way to break the bond, then you might have to kill her before the demon gains control."     

*~ To Be Continued ~*


	8. Chapter 8

Regrets

By Risa

Disclaimer: See Chapter 1

Comments/Reviews are greatly appreciated and adored. :-) I hope you enjoy this chapter! Sorry you had to wait so long for it… 

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Chapter Eight

            "Oh no, there's absolutely _no way anyone's going to do that!" Piper shouted as she moved backwards. "You've probably made some mistake…" her gaze narrowed in suspicion, "or that's what you __want us to do…"_

            "Oh for God's sake," Basil said impatiently, "you've already been told goodness _knows how many times that we aren't working with evil. Look, we don't want to see demons able to do this any more than you do. We kinda like being able to think for ourselves, thank you very much…"_

            "Basil, enough," Cole interrupted, coughing slightly. He had seen the panicked look on Piper's face. It couldn't be easy for any parent to take this sort of news. Thankfully, Basil subsided and the irritation on his face began to fade away.

            "We've been told that we can listen to what you say, but we've had no sign that we can trust you," Leo said.

            "Look, whatever it is, we can handle it ourselves," Piper said, regaining control over her emotions. Maybe what he had said was true. Even then, she and her sisters would find a way out, she wasn't going to place the life of her daughter in the hands of Cole and Basil. She was certainly _not going to kill her.  _

            "Suit yourself," Basil said irritably, turning around to leave. Cole looked at him, and looked back at Phoebe and her sisters, uncertain whether he should stay or leave. He knew that they would prefer it if he left with Basil, but Cole was also aware that they needed their help. Before he could decide, a vase flew over his head and shattered against the wall. All around them, the furniture was shaking and cracks were beginning to appear in the glass of the windows. 

            "What's going on?" Paige asked, alarmed. She was looking around the room frantically for the source of the disturbance.

            "Melinda!" Piper shouted as she rushed to her daughter, holding her in her arms. She had looked down at her daughter to find her trashing on the sofa, her young face contorted in pain and struggle. "Leo! Do something!"

            Leo held his daughter's hands, trying to calm her. But Melinda seemed to be struggling away from Leo's hold. By then, Basil was already at Melinda's side. Clinically, his face one of intense concentration, he placed an index finger on Melinda's temples. Silver light began to appear and gradually, Melinda's struggling stopped as she suddenly went limp in her mother's arms.

            Piper's fear and panic over her daughter had forestalled any protests that she might have made. Besides, Basil had moved too fast for her to say or do anything. When Basil withdrew his hands, his face relaxing, she asked quietly, "What did you do?"

            He sighed. "The demon's getting a stronger hold over her, that's why she's lost control of her powers. I've just bound her powers. It's only temporary, but it's all I can do for now. She'll remain unconscious until you can get rid of the demon essence or…" he trailed off, looking at her Piper bleakly before he continued coolly, "Now do you trust me?"

            Piper looked at Leo, silently seeking his opinion. Leo sighed and nodded in resignation. Much as he hated the situation, they had no other alternative. They had to take the chance and trust Cole and this strange man.

            "About time," Basil muttered as he stood up. 

            "So what are we going to do?" Phoebe asked anxiously. "I'll go up and see if the Book has anything?"

            Cole shook his head, "You can try looking, but I don't think you'll find anything. Demons haven't been able to do this until just recently."

            "You said that I couldn't use the spell which I used to separate Belthazor from you 'cause it was keyed to Belthazor. Is there any way of finding out the identity of the demon essence so that I can modify the spell?" Phoebe asked speculatively.

            "It's possible," Cole said, "Problem is how do are going to identify the demon?"

            "Is there a test or something?"

            "No…" Cole said, "Usually when you do a spell, you use flesh or blood or something that belonged to the demon if you cannot find the identity. In this case, because the demon doesn't have a physical form yet…"

            "It's still workable though," Basil said, "the demons responsible for this might know. Or they might have kept a record or something. Cole, did you manage to find out anything about the demons involved?"

            "I know two of them," Cole said grimly, "and I'll force it out of them if I have to."

            Basil nodded. "I'll go back and see if anyone's found out anything. We've managed to find some of the previous victims… someone might have discovered something." Just then his mobile phone rang. "Basil," he answered. His face darkened as he listened. "Yes, I'm working on it right now. At this very moment," he said irritably, "In fact, you'll have to excuse me for a while, you interrupted my conversation…" Without waiting for a reply, he moved the phone away from his ear and covered the mouthpiece. "It's Jason," Basil said, grimacing, referring to one of the more senior members of the neutrals, "he's getting antsy about this whole thing. Don't worry, I'll try to keep him off your back." He grinned at Cole before he disappeared.

            Piper sat down heavily on the sofa as she gently smoothed away the hair from Melinda's face, her expression one of her desperation. Her mind had been a complete blank, she had felt so helpless. Leo sat on the armrest of the sofa, wrapping his arms around Piper.

            "Let's try looking at the Book," Phoebe said quietly to Paige and Cole. She knew that Piper and Leo needed to be alone for a while and it was better if the three of them did something rather than just stand there.

            "Why, Leo? Why do they have to keep hurting my family? First Prue, now Melinda… I'm so _sick of this," Piper said in a tone of quiet desperation._

            "Don't give up hope, Piper," Leo said, "we'll be able to find a way." Leo was aware of the harsh reality that the reason why all this happened was because Piper and her sisters were the Charmed Ones and all this came with the job. He looked down at his daughter and fervently hoped that they really could find a solution. He loved his daughter so much and he couldn't bear to lose her.

            "Could we really?" Piper said bleakly. Suddenly she felt so impotent, so useless, as if a huge enveloping darkness was trying to devour her daughter and she couldn't do much to hold the darkness off.

            "We'll do all we can," Leo said gently, bending down and kissing Piper's hair, trying to reassure her and forget all his own fears and doubts.

            Once they were out of the living room, Cole turned to Phoebe and Paige. "I'll go down to the Underworld and see what I can find."

            "Oh no, you don't," Paige said.

            Cole looked at Paige skeptically. "Why shouldn't I?"

            "I don't trust you," Paige said bluntly, "no matter what anyone says. I'm going with you – just to make sure that you're not up to anything."

            Cole sighed exasperatedly, looking up at the ceiling and silently asking for patience.

            Phoebe glared at Paige. While she understood the need to be cautious, this was a little too much. "Paige, you stay here. I'll go." She knew that if Paige went with Cole, they wouldn't be able to get much done – they'll probably be too busy arguing. Phoebe tried to ignore the little voice that was telling that she just wanted to spend more time with Cole.

            "But – " Paige protested.

            Phoebe shook her head, forestalling Paige's protests. "Don't worry, I can handle it."

            Paige nodded reluctantly.

            "Come on then," Cole said quietly, reaching out his hand. Phoebe tentatively placed her hand in his as he transported them to the Underworld.

            Phoebe blinked as they reappeared in the dark caverns of the Underworld. She had forgotten how disorienting this sort of transport could be. She looked around her, grimacing. She would have been perfectly happy to never go back to the Underworld again. They brought back to many bad memories. "Some things never change," she muttered under her breath.

            "What?" Cole asked.

            "Nothing."

            Cole glanced at Phoebe. He knew only too well what Phoebe must be feeling. He knew also that there was nothing that he could say. He forced back all the memories that were threatening to overwhelm him. They had a job to do and it was too dangerous to spend more time here than necessary. "One of the demons involved is called Alenia. Her quarters are further ahead. I didn't want to risk detection."

            Phoebe nodded. They walked in silence when Cole suddenly stopped and pointed to a cavern, motioning for Phoebe to stay silent. They kept close to the wall as Cole looked inside. "It's empty," he said softly.

            They went into the cavern. It was neat and sparse. In one corner was the sleeping quarters, in another was a ritual area and near it was a large desk with a chest of drawers beside it. "You take that end of the room," Cole said, pointing to the ritual area. 

            The ritual area was neat and well-kept. Phoebe checked everything but she couldn't find anything. She sighed in exasperation. She was about to check if Cole had better luck when, out of the corner of her eye, she saw a woman enter the room. The woman's eyes were wide with surprise and anger as she released an energy ball at Cole.

            "Cole!" Phoebe shouted in warning, even as she dashed forward to push Cole away. The only thought that was in her mind at that point was that she had to protect Cole. Cole turned in surprise. Before he could react, Phoebe had already pushed him to the ground and caught the full blow of the energy ball.

            "Phoebe!"

*~ To Be Continued ~*


	9. Chapter 9

Regrets

By Risa

Disclaimer: See Chapter 1

Comments/Reviews are greatly appreciated and adored. :-) Sorry for the extremely long wait... I have exams in about a week and I've been swamped with work. There are also few kinks in this chapter which I'll probably have to wait until I have more time before I can sort it out. In any case, I hope you'll enjoy it. Also, the lyrics right at the end of this chapter is from the song "My Favourite Regret" by Gigolo Aunts. This song was the inspiration for the last scene of this chapter so I decided to slot it in.

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Chapter Nine

            Cole released a bolt of energy at Alenia even as he twisted his body to cushion Phoebe's fall to the ground. "Phoebe?" Cole said, sitting up, the fear and worry evident in his voice, as he brushed away the hair from Phoebe's face, which was contorted in pain.

            "C-Cole," Phoebe gasped out, biting her lip against yet another spasm of pain which shot through her body. "G-g-get the n-name f-first…"

            Cole shook his head. "No! We're getting you home first." Even as he was talking, he was shooting off energy bolts to keep Alenia away from them and to dispel whatever attack she was flinging at them.

            "Do it," Phoebe said, her voice stronger and more forceful. "Please, Cole. I'll be fine..." She managed a weak smile.

            Cole nodded reluctantly. He gently laid her on the ground as he stood up, his expression grim. 

Meanwhile, Alenia had shimmered away from Cole's most recent bolt of energy and four small daggers headed towards Cole at a deadly speed. With a flick of his hand, he caused the daggers to veer off course and fall harmlessly to the ground. He advanced towards Alenia, a look of fierce and vengeful anger on his face. Raising his hand, he released another bolt of energy. This time, it was so fast that Alenia did not have time to react. The force of the bolt pushed her against the wall of the cavern.

Moving towards her, Cole held her by the neck against the wall. "You really shouldn't have done that," he said conversationally. _Let's get this over with. Hang on Phoebe... _

"You just can't stay dead, can you," Alenia managed to get out.

"Much as I'll like to oblige you… Sorry, no." His expression turned threatening as he held a small bolt of energy against her neck, causing Alenia to wince in pain. "Now, tell me, what's the name of the demon that you put in the Halliwell child?"

"Find it out for yourself," Alenia said sweetly, "I'm not going to tell you."

Cole's hand glowed brighter as he increased the amount of energy. Soon, smoke began to appear. Alenia's face had gone white with pain. Finally, she decided that she had enough. She wasn't loyal enough to put up with this much pain. "Fine…" she managed to gasp out. "I'll tell you." Instantly pain from Cole's energy bolt eased. Alenia took a deep breath before she continued, "It's under the tile right in that corner," she pointed to the top right-hand corner of the room.

Cole, while letting go of Alenia, let loose another bolt of energy, causing her to fall to the ground, unconscious. Then he rushed to the area which she had pointed at, swearing under his breath. He hoped fervently that he had not spent too much time getting the answer out of Alenia. With a quick wave of his hand, he moved the tile aside and picked up the stack of papers. Then he ran over to Phoebe. She was still unconscious.

"Phoebe," he said urgently, "Phoebe, wake up."

There was no response. 

She was still breathing, but faintly.

In panic and fear, Cole quickly carried Phoebe in his arms and transported the two of them back to the manor. All the time he was silently pleading, _Please don't let it be too late…_

 The moment they reappeared in the living room of the Halliwell Manor, Cole began to shout for Leo as he gently laid Phoebe on the sofa. 

"Cole?" Leo said, as he ran into the room, startled by the tone of urgency by the urgency in Cole's voice. Behind him followed Piper and Paige. His expression turned to one of shock when he saw the unconscious Phoebe. Quickly, he bent over her, his hands glowing as he healed her. Cole hovered anxiously behind him.

"What happened?" Paige demanded as she pulled Cole by the shirt, forcing him to turn around to face her. "What did you do to her?"

Cole ran his hand through his hair as he breathed deeply, trying to calm himself. He could do without the interrogation right now. "We were searching for the name when a demon attacked. Phoebe got hit by an energy ball while trying to protect me."

"Right," Paige said sarcastically, "and how do we know you weren't the one who did it?"

            "Because I got the _damn name for you," Cole said angrily. He was about to launch into a tirade when there was a cough from the sofa and a weak voice saying, "Cole?" Forgetting all about his frustration, he rushed to Phoebe's side and took her hand, holding it tightly against his cheek, the look of relief evident on his face. "Don't pull a stunt like that again, okay?" he said softly._

            A weak smile appeared on Phoebe's face, "Did you get the name?"

            Cole nodded. "Get some rest now, all right?"

            Phoebe nodded as her eyes shut, exhausted by all the events of the past two days. Cole sighed as he stood up.

            "A few minutes later and I wouldn't have been able to do anything," Leo said quietly.

            Cole turned to face Leo, stricken. _So close, too__ close. "I would have brought her sooner, but she told me to get the name first."_

            "You didn't have to listen to her," Paige muttered.

            "Paige," Piper said, shaking her head. "It's over. Phoebe's safe now." She figured that Cole probably had had enough for one day. Explanations could wait.

            "Here," Cole said, giving Piper the papers he had taken from Alenia. The papers had been crushed and crumpled in his anxiety to get Phoebe back to the Manor. "The name should be in there somewhere. Sorry about the state it's in."

            Piper took the papers and smiled at Cole gratefully. "Thanks," she said.

            The four of them stood in the living room, looking at each other in an uncomfortable silence, none of them knowing what to do or say. Cole thought that the best thing he should do now was to leave, but he couldn't bring himself to. Not after he nearly lost Phoebe. After a moment's hesitation, he said, "I'll stay and watch over Phoebe. So you guys can try figuring out the spell for the kid first."

            Leo and Piper looked at each other before Piper nodded. 

            "But – " Paige protested.

            "Come on," Piper said, pulling Paige by the arm out of the living room. When they were out of earshot, Piper said quietly, "Cole won't let anything happen to Phoebe. Besides, there's not much reason to be suspicious of him."

            Paige reluctantly nodded. "I know… I guess I went into over-protective mode."

            Piper grinned. "We all get that way sometimes. C'mon, we've got a spell to do." Her spirits had been lifted by a new burst of hope. With the name, maybe, just maybe, they could save Melinda.

            Phoebe stirred in her bed, waking up. She opened her eyes and sat up, shaking off the last vestiges of sleep. Night had already fallen. Suddenly all that had happened before she had fallen asleep came rushing back to her memory. Then, she saw Cole, in an armchair beside the bed, asleep.

            "Cole?"

            Cole stirred and his eyes blinked, then opened. "Phoebe," he said with a small smile, "you're awake. How are you feeling?" 

            "I'm good," she replied, switching on the bedside lamp. "How long have you been sitting there?"

            "I'm not too sure, probably around six to eight hours or so."

            Silence overcame both of them as both of them struggled to find something to say. Something safe and neutral, something that did not involve talking about what they truly felt.

            Finally, Cole said, "Oh, your sisters and Leo managed to come up with a spell. They're doing it tomorrow."

            "T-That's great," Phoebe said, slightly startled at the sound of Cole's voice. Once again, they looked at each other in silence. "I missed you," Phoebe said quietly.

            Cole remained silent. Phoebe couldn't make out his expression in the dim light of the bedside lamp.  His face remained hidden in shadow, indecipherable. 

            "I know what I told you two years ago. And I've tried so hard to forget you, but I couldn't. I still missed you," Phoebe continued. After spending so long repressing all her thoughts and feelings, Phoebe found it difficult to express everything that she was feeling.

            There was still no visible reaction from Cole. "Say something, Cole," Phoebe pleaded.

            "What do you want me to say?" Cole said simply. He sighed. "Do you want me to say that I missed you? You know I did. But it isn't going to change anything between us, is it? We're still who we are."

            "I know," Phoebe said quietly. "But what happened today reminded me that both of us might not have much time in this world. I'm no longer so sure if we should both stay apart and remain unhappy just because we're afraid of the pain." 

            "You were the one who decided that we should break it up," Cole reminded, trying to ignore the tiny hope that was inside him.

            "I know," Phoebe admitted. "But I'm no longer so sure that I was right."

            "So what happens now?"

            "I don't know," Phoebe said, sighing. Then her hand reached out for Cole's. He reached out his to meet hers and held her hand tightly. "One more night?" she asked wistfully. "I don't know what's going to happen but couldn't we just have one more night? Something we could store away in our memories?" 

            It was so tempting for Cole to give in to her proposal. The two years had been lonely ones. Now, having her so near, after having nearly lost her… One night. How could it hurt? But Cole knew it could. He could just imagine the pain at having to leave her again. No, he shouldn't give in but God, he wanted to so much…

            "Cole?"

            Cole looked at Phoebe. She looked so vulnerable, so wistful and so sad that Cole just wanted to hold her tightly in his arms, to escape for a little while. And Cole knew he could, if he chose to. The longing and temptation was too much for him and Cole left his chair and sat on the bed, pulling Phoebe into his arms, sighing at the familiar smell of her hair, at the familiar weight of her head against his shoulder. Slowly, Phoebe looked up at Cole. His eyes never leaving her face, he bent his head and kissed her.

            It was so gentle and so soft and oh so familiar. Phoebe's hands moved to encircle Cole's neck. Her mind was lost to the sensations that this simple act was causing. Phoebe could scarcely believe that this was real. After all the nights that she had dreamt of him only to wake up and find herself alone…

            Even if it was a dream, she was beyond caring.

            For a while, the two of them let themselves believe that they were in a perfect world. A perfect world where they were different people, just ordinary people. A perfect world where they were free of the burdens of the past. A perfect world where they could be together and not worry about the consequences. 

            Like a brief, exquisite melody, they allowed themselves this brief escape that they had each longed for so long. 

_Will you be my favourite regret,_

_Could I be your sweetest mistake?_

_Trade one step back for two ahead_

_Just a little time that's all _

_Don't be afraid to fall_

_This catch I won't forget,_

_My favourite regret.___

_Won't you let me chip away the stone_

_Are you really better off alone?_

_Won't you let your guard down one more time_

_Just like I've done mine_

_We'll look until we find something neither will forget_

_My favourite regret_

_Will you be my favourite regret?_

_Cut the strings attached but save the thread_

_And I know your feelings are probably right_

_But just this once tonight_

_As you lay in your bed_

_Place a little on this bet_

_My favourite regret... _

*~ To Be Continued ~*


	10. Chapter 10

Regrets

By Risa

Disclaimer: See Chapter 1

Author's Notes: Sorry about the long wait! I've been having exams the past two weeks and I've finally got a one week break before my exams start again. In any case, too much studying has already affected my brain, as seen from the John Donne reference in this chapter. :-) I hope you'll enjoy the chapter and thanks for all the great reviews!

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Chapter Ten

            Phoebe stirred and turned in her sleep, snuggling against a body whose contours were so familiar to her. Startled, her eyes sprang open.

            _Please don't let this be a dream._

            It wasn't. Cole was there, undeniably real. She stared at him, transfixed, scarcely believing that it was really him. Slowly, the memory of what all that happened the previous day registered in her mind. She sighed. What was she going to do now? Where should they go from here? 

            But God, she loved him so much. It had been so many long since she had been able to sleep so peacefully. But Phoebe was still uncertain. Did she want to go through everything again just to have it cruelly taken away from her once more?

            Cole stirred and his eyes opened slowly. A soft, gentle smile appeared on his face when he saw Phoebe. "Hey," he greeted, reaching up his hand to touch her hair and cheek.

            "Hey yourself," Phoebe said, grinning. Whatever worries and fears that she had could wait. Right now, Phoebe didn't want to do anything to mar the exquisite beauty of the night before.

            "Last night – " Cole started.

            " – was beautiful. Absolutely, incredibly, delightfully beautiful," Phoebe said, trying to steer away any talk about the future.

            "But – "

            "No buts," Phoebe said, her eyes pleading with Cole to understand. "Let's just enjoy what we have right now, okay? We can worry about the future later."

            Cole hesitated. A part of him wanted to talk about what happened and not try to ignore reality. Another part of him agreed with her. Just the two of them, lying together in a quiet room… It was so easy to forget that there was a world beyond these four walls, that there any time beyond the present. _What harm could it do? Cole thought, trying to shrug away his own worries. Just for a few hours… Softly, he quoted, "For love, all love of other sights controls, and makes one little room, an everywhere."_

            "Let us possess our world; each hath one, and is one," Phoebe quoted in return, grinning. "John Donne, 'The Good-Morrow.'" At Cole's look of surprise, she said, "I did his poems in a course once."

            Cole pulled Phoebe tightly against him, as she leaned her head against his chest, sighing. "My father loved his poetry," Cole said quietly. 

            Phoebe raised her head to see Cole's look of sorrow and regret. Trying to turn his mind away from the sad memories, she said, "Tell me again why you love me."

            "You should get a tape recorder," Cole said.

            "Why?"

            "It'll be easier to just record it, considering the number of times you've made me repeat it. That way, you can listen to it anytime you want."

            "Cole!" Phoebe said, swatting him lightly. He laughed.

            His laughter abruptly stopped when he heard voices and footsteps outside. "I can't believe that you left him alone in the room with Phoebe the entire night!" Paige said.

            "Look Paige," Piper said reasonably, "Cole wouldn't hurt – "

            "That's not what I'm worried about," Paige interrupted. Then the room door opened and Paige and Piper walked in. "Phoebe, are you – " Paige started, then stopped as she saw Phoebe and Cole in the bed, her eyes growing wide.

            "Um… good morning," Phoebe said lamely as she pulled the blankets closer to her. 

            "Good morning?" Paige said, recovering from her shock. "_Good morning? What the hell do you think – "_

            "Paige, let's give them some privacy, okay?" Piper interrupted, pulling Paige out of the room with her. She then poked her head back into the door and said, with some embarrassment, "Ah… Sorry about that. We'll…uh…we'll wait for you downstairs." Then she quickly left, dragging a still-shouting Paige.

            "Oh dear," Cole said mildly, trying to restrain his laughter.

            "I think we better get dressed," Phoebe said, sighing in resignation.

            When the two of them came down to the kitchen, they received a glare from Paige and slightly uncomfortable looks from Piper and Leo. "I suppose the two of you slept well," Paige said sarcastically.

            "Paige," Leo said before either Phoebe or Cole could respond, "we can talk about this later." Right now, he was more worried about his daughter. Whatever was between Phoebe and Cole could wait. 

            "So," Phoebe said as she poured herself some orange juice, trying to turn the subject away from Cole and herself, "you guys manage to do the spell?"

            Piper nodded. "We managed to modify the spell you used to separate Cole and Belthazor using the name in the papers, changed a few of the ingredients here and there." She pointed to a bottle of blue liquid on the kitchen counter.   

            "How does the spell work anyway?" Cole asked.

            "You know how when two strings are intertwined it's difficult to separate the two of them?" Phoebe said. "Well, this spell 'untwines' these two strands by differentiating the two different spirits through their different signatures. Every spirit, soul whatever, has its own unique signature and certain elements that go with that. This spell uses that."

            "Okay," Leo said, "now that everyone's here, let's get to work."

            They went upstairs to Melinda's room. They stood over the bed and looked down at the still unconscious Melinda before looking at each other slightly nervously. "Ready?" Piper said softly, clutching the bottle tightly in her hand.

            They nodded. She took a deep breath and opened the bottle, pouring the liquid over Melinda. Then she took a step back, holding Leo's hand tightly as she watched. First, grey smoke appeared and Melinda began to struggle and scream. Her eyes sprang open, devoid of any reason or expression beyond pain. Piper began to cry and only Leo's grip on her hand kept her from going to her daughter. Leo looked at his daughter in fear and worry, sending a quiet plea to whatever powers that were listening to let his daughter survive this. 

            Suddenly, there was silence. The smoke was gone and Melinda was on the bed, quietly sleeping.

            "Did it work?" Paige asked softly.

            "I don't know," Piper said, as moved to Melinda. Her hand gently brushing the hair away from her daughter's face, she said, "Mel, wake up, Mel."

            Slowly her daughter stirred and her eyes fluttered open. When she saw Piper, she smiled sleepily and said, "Mommy," before turning and falling asleep again. 

            "I think she should be okay," Cole said. "But let me give a call to Basil and get him here." He reached for his mobile. "Hey Basil," he said after a moment, "do you think you can come to the Halliwell Manor. We need to check if the spell worked." After another moment, he put away his mobile and said, "Basil says he's coming."

            Within minutes there was the sound of footsteps up the staircase and Basil walked into the room. "How is she?" he asked.

            "She woke up just now – she seemed normal," Piper replied.

            Basil nodded, before he knelt beside Melinda, holding her hand in his and shutting his eyes.

            "What's he doing?" Leo asked Cole.

            "I'm not really sure," Cole said, "he might be checking for the presence of the demon – Basil's telepathic."

            Basil's eyes opened after a few minutes and he grinned, "Yep, she's fine now. I couldn't find any sign of anyone else in her mind." 

            "I thought you said that the advantage of this… thing the demons did was that you can't sense the presence of the demon," Phoebe said, curious.

            "You can't sense the demon if you're talking about auras. When the demon is combined with the human, the aura doesn't bear any signature of evil." Basil said, "But you can still detect the demon if you can enter the mind. Thing is, there aren't many people with telepathic powers and you wouldn't probe into someone's mind unless you had any reason to. Most of time, people determine whether a person's evil through the aura. This makes them difficult to detect until it's too late."

            "Thank God she's okay," Piper said, smiling in relief. Leo placed his hands on her shoulders and said, "You go get some rest, you barely got any sleep. I'll watch Mel." 

            "Cole, can I talk to you?" Basil asked. Cole nodded and followed Basil out of the room.

            "Some of our people reported back with some information a few hours ago," Basil said, passing Cole a large envelope that he had been holding. As Cole opened it and pulled out some papers, Basil continued, "They got the names of some of the main demons involved in this thing. We've got people going after some of these demons; the ones that you're supposed to deal with are in the envelope. Basically what you have to do is find the demon, find out whether there are any other demons involved that we aren't aware of and if there are any other surviving test subjects. Then, destroy whatever information pertaining to the procedure, kill the demon and report back whatever information you manage to get." 

            "Okay," Cole said, "I'll get on it as soon as I can."

            "So how's it going with Phoebe?" Basil asked.

            Cole looked at him, startled. "Why are you asking?" 

            "Just curious," Basil said. "If there's still a chance, go for it. Don't let yourself regret that you didn't try hard enough."

            "I know," Cole said, sighing. "But I don't want to get myself involved again if a brief fling is all she wants. It's going to hurt too damned much." He ignored the mental voice that said, _You're already involved too deep for your own good._

            "Whatever happens, you do know that you can leave the neutrals whenever you want and the Committee wouldn't object? Because of free will and all that jazz?" Basil said, referring to the group of neutrals in charge of the running of the group.

            Cole nodded. "Right now though, I don't think I'll be going anywhere."

            While Basil and Cole were talking outside together, Piper asked Phoebe, "What was last night about? Are the two of you getting back together?"

            "I don't know," Phoebe said with a sigh of frustration. "I still love him – that probably will never change. But I don't know… what if he becomes evil again? What if all this just ends up in more suffering and pain for you guys? What if _I become evil because of him again?"_

            "You didn't, Phoebe," Paige said, "not really. In the end, you still came back and helped us." Phoebe looked at her with some surprise and Paige grinned. "I might not like Cole, but it doesn't mean that makes me blind to the truth." Then she sobered. "If you really love him, go for it. It's better than regretting all your life over what might have been. Whatever happens, we'll be there to help you deal. Again, this doesn't mean I've changed my mind about Cole, but if it'll make you happy…"

            "Every relationship has its risks, Phoebe," Leo added, "even though this one has more risks than most. But what you do, your life as a Charmed One, has its own inherent risks. Besides, remember, Cole becoming evil the last time wasn't his choice. It was his desire to help us that eventually gave the Source the opening he needed. It's not something you can blame him for. Given the choice, I don't think Cole would willingly become evil."

            "Whatever you decide, Phoebe, don't lead him on for too long," Piper said, "if you just want a short trip down memory lane and not anything permanent, tell him now. Don't let it drag on as it'll only hurt both of you more.

            Phoebe sighed, "I know," she said quietly, "I guess it's time for me to talk to him. Perhaps it's something that I should have done from the start."

*~ To Be Continued ~*    


	11. Chapter 11

Regrets

By Risa

Disclaimer: See Chapter 1

Author's Note: I decided that I needed a break from studying Math and finished up this chapter. There are a lot of rough edges that probably need some editing but I decided to post it first since it'll probably be another two weeks before I can get back to writing this and comments will also be very useful. :-) 

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Chapter Eleven

            "C'mon," Basil said, "let's go back in. I'll probably check in regularly over the next few days to make sure everything's okay, so don't worry." Just then, his mobile rang. Basil answered the phone and gestured to Cole to go back into the room first. As Cole turned, he saw Phoebe walking towards him.

            "Thanks for everything," she said, with a small smile that seemed a little forced.

            "No problem."

            "We need to talk," Phoebe said hesitatingly. "About us."

            Before Cole could respond, Basil interrupted. "Sorry to interrupt," he said apologetically, "but that was Jason. He just told me that the Committee has decided to attack all the demons involved simultaneously so that they can't warn each other. In about two hours, Jason will call you and that's the signal to attack."

            "Great," Cole said, "that just gives me _so much time to prepare."_

            "Well, you know how highly the Committee thinks of you," Basil said grinning, "they pretty much think you're invincible."

            "And that's supposed to make me feel better?" Cole sighed and turned to Phoebe, who was looking confused at the exchange that had just taken place. "Could we talk some other day? Now's a bad time," he said. It wasn't that he didn't want to talk, but he really needed the time to get ready. It was best that this discussion take place when he had a lot of time and wasn't too distracted. He tried to ignore the little voice in his head which said, _Admit it. You're just trying to delay the inevitable._

            Phoebe nodded. In a way the delay was a relief. She needed the time to think through everything anyway.

            "All right," Cole said, "I better get going then."

            "Be careful," Phoebe and Basil said simultaneously.

            "I always am," Cole said, smiling wryly. 

            Phoebe was in the kitchen working on her column when the doorbell rang. She ran to the door and opened it to find a slightly battered Cole. There was a large cut on his forehead and another gash on the left side of his face. "What happened to you?" Phoebe asked in shock.    

            "One of the demons found a way to make herself immune to most demonic powers. I had to fall back to hand-to-hand combat and she was _very adept with the sword," Cole grimaced. In a way, it was lucky that they got to the demon __before she could make herself immune to __all demonic powers. It would probably have set off another power struggle in the Underworld. Immunity to demonic powers wasn't exactly very useful unless you had many enemies or you wanted to seize power. _

            "Is everything okay now?" Phoebe asked in concern.

            "Yeah," Cole replied, "we managed to get all of the demons and destroy most of the research. We lost about three neutrals in the process though." He grimaced again. The neutrals couldn't really afford to lose any more people.

            "I'm sorry," Phoebe said. For a few moments they just stood there, looking at each other. Then, suddenly remembering that Cole was still standing on the door-step, she opened the door wider and said, "C'mon in." She then walked into the kitchen, with Cole following behind her. "Sorry about the clutter," she said as she tidied up the papers on the kitchen table, "Could I get you anything?" Phoebe knew she was blabbering, but she just couldn't find a way to start the conversation. 

            "No, its okay, I'm fine," Cole said reassuringly, trying to set Phoebe at ease.

            "So…" Phoebe began before trailing off, unable to get out the words.

            "So." Cole echoed. He paused before he said wearily, "Look, if you don't want us to get involved again, just say the word."

            Phoebe looked at him, surprised. He had always been the one who refused to give up on their relationship. Cole read her expression, sighed and said, "I'm tired, Phoebe. I'm tired of trying to persuade you, trying to convince you. If you really don't want us to get involved with each other any more, I'll respect your decision and spare us all the extra pain." 

            "I don't _know," Phoebe said, running her fingers through her hair. She had tried to figure out what she wanted, to reach a decision, but she just couldn't. "I know that I still love you but after all that's happened, I'm not sure if I can take it if it happens again, if you turn evil again. How do I know that this time it won't happen?"_

            "There are no certainties, Phoebe," Cole said gently, "I can't give you that. I can tell you that I don't _intend to become evil again but that doesn't mean that something won't happen to change that. You remember the last time? I was human – which is as secure as you can get but it still happened."_

            "I know," Phoebe said, "and that's what scares me. I'm scared that I'll lose you to evil again. It was bad enough the last time and I'm not sure that I want to go through it all over again. And I'm scared that people will get hurt _because of us, especially my sisters. But above all…" she sighed, "Cole, you can have so much influence on my life, on the person that I am. The evil you can bring out the darkness in me. And that scares me more than anything."_

            "Phoebe…" Cole said, his expression pained, "I'll like to tell you not to worry, that this time everything will be okay, but the thing is, I can't. I want to do good, stay good and I _definitely don't want any harm to come to you or your sisters but what I want doesn't always matter. Have confidence in yourself, Phoebe. You're a strong person. You might lose your way a little and there might be blips here and there, but ultimately I believe that you'll do the right thing."_

            "You honestly think so?" Phoebe said, with a small smile. 

            "I do," Cole said, nodding. "Look Phoebe, I have my own doubts as well. While I _do want to be good, you have to remember that I spent the past one hundred years or so being evil. There are some things which aren't so easy to shake off. No matter how much I want to, I can't be good like how, say, Leo is good. I've seen too much, done too much. I have nothing against the idea of being good but I'm sometimes against the things done in the name of good and the methods used." _

Phoebe looked at him with some surprise. "Let me give you an example," Cole continued. This happened to Basil about four years ago. Most of his family members were neutrals and Basil was expected to continue in the family tradition. But Basil didn't want to; he wanted to stay away from everything. If anything, he was actually more inclined to the side of good, which could compromise his work. 

"One day, he met this girl, a half-demon, like me. Except that she had been brought up in a normal environment among humans and never had anything to do with the Underworld. They fell in love, got married. They were happy but then it all came to a screeching halt. All in the name of the fight between good and evil.

"There was a rash of ritualistic murders in the area where the two of them lived – murders that could only have been done by a demon. Some agents of good were investigating the matter but they couldn't find any demons around. Then they found out about the girl and her half-demon nature and immediately came to the conclusion that she was evil and that she committed the murders. They killed her without any more investigation into the matter. After all, she was a demon anyway, killing her meant one less demon in the world, so who cares if she really did it or not? The thing is she was innocent and she died just because she happened to have some demon blood in her. Basil was furious and devastated but there was nothing he could do. That's when he began working for the neutrals in earnest.

            "So, like I said, I agree with the ideas of good and its basic principles. What I don't always agree with are the methods used by some of these 'agents of good' – some who only preserve the _outward appearance of being good. That plus my own character, experiences, habits, means that I sometimes will disagree with you, Piper, Paige and Leo. You still remember the gun incident, don't you?"_

            Phoebe nodded, remembering the reactions when Cole bought the gun. All this were things that she hadn't considered – not with any serious thought anyway. But she knew that Cole was right. If their relationship was going to work, she had to be prepared for differences in opinion. There will be fights and compromises and Phoebe had to consider if she could deal with this. She was shocked at Cole's story – it was something that she never imagined could happen. But hadn't she and her sisters gone against the rules of the Elders often enough.

"Despite all this," Cole said, "I'm prepared to try again, to make it work this time. The thing is – are you?"

            Phoebe looked at the sincerity and earnestness in Cole's face and was at a loss for words. She knew that he was right. There were not guarantees. Was their love worth it? All Phoebe knew for certain was that she loved Cole and that he made her life whole and complete. Their relationship could bring great joy and great sadness. Phoebe wasn't sure if she wanted the whole package.

            But wasn't that a part of life? The celebrations and the tragedies, the joys and the sadness? The emotionally safe route was also likely dull and colourless. She only had a short time on this earth; shouldn't she experience all that life had to offer – the good and the bad? She then remembered a line from a book that she read a while ago. "No one got through life without regrets. The best you could hope for was that they'd be the right regrets, that no matter what you'd suffered, you had taken a chance on love or whatever else you'd most wanted. (1)"

            Phoebe took a deep breath. She'll take that chance and accept whatever that choice brought with it. "Okay," she said softly, "we'll give it another shot." A small smile appeared on her face. She didn't know who moved first but suddenly Cole was holding her tightly in his arms and her arms were also wrapped tightly around him.

            "I've waited so long for you to say that," Cole whispered softly, "I pretty much gave up any hope of ever hearing you say those words."

            "I know," Phoebe said, "those words weren't easy to get out." She raised her head to smile up at him.

            Slowly, gently, he bent his head towards hers and kissed her. Lost in Cole's embrace, Phoebe's heart was filled with peace – this was where she had always wanted to be for so long. Whatever happened after this, she'll deal. Whatever her doubts or fears, she wouldn't let them get in the way of her own happiness.

*~ To Be Continued – Epilogue's next :-) ~*

(1) This quote is from the book "Bed and Breakfast" by Lois Battle. 


	12. Epilogue

Regrets

By Risa

Disclaimer: See Chapter 1

Author's Note: Sorry for the long wait! This bit is a little short and rather simple but I hope you'll like it. I do have the beginnings of an idea of a sequel – maybe I'll actually get around writing it. :-) In the meantime, thanks to all of the people who have reviewed, you're the best. Also, a special thank you to Barb, who has reviewed every chapter – thank you so much for your encouragement. 

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Epilogue

"No!" Phoebe shouted. It took a few moments before it registered in her mind that she had been having a nightmare. She sat on the bed with her feet pulled tightly against her chest, breathing deeply, trying to calm herself.

            "Phoebe?" 

            Phoebe turned with a start to find Cole standing by the door. "Are you okay?" he asked worriedly.

            "Yeah," she said, managing a small smile, "I'm okay now." Cole sat beside her on the bed and held her tightly in his arms as she leaned against his chest, letting the warmth of his body comfort her. "I just had a bad dream," she said softly.

            "Tell me," Cole said, his hands caressing her soothingly.

            "About before. When you were the Source," she said quietly. She felt Cole tense. "It's nothing," she reassured him, "I was just a little freaked out, that's all."

            "Phoebe," Cole said, pulling away from Phoebe and looking at her searchingly and earnestly, "if you don't want to do this – "

            "No!" Phoebe interrupted fiercely. "I do," she said, her voice calmer, "I've had enough of being alone. There are just some things that take time to forget." After all that they had been through, the time they now had together seemed so much more precious. Slowly, gradually, Phoebe felt her fears begin to disappear. 

"I know," Cole said. For the past six months, the two of them had been slowly rebuilding their relationship. It was a slow process but Cole felt happier than he had been in a long time. He was surprised that Piper, Leo and Paige hadn't objected to them getting back together, if anything they seemed relieved. Piper had told him, "Well, it's about time you guys settled this once and for all." Paige had given him several ominous threats that involved certain parts of his anatomy should he hurt Phoebe. But Cole didn't need her warnings; as long as it was within his power, he would never hurt Phoebe. 

Phoebe smiled up at him and said, "So what are you doing back so early? You said you'll only be back next week." 

"The Committee really needs to have its information source checked," Cole said sourly, "all we found were a bunch of harmless nutcases. Again." Cole had continued working for the neutrals even though there was a potential for a conflict of interest now that he and Phoebe had gotten back together. It was partly because Cole knew that the neutrals needed the help but partly also because they, like him, understood what it was like to be caught between good and evil and not being able to belong to either side. For all the eccentricities and annoyances, he felt comfortable with them. They had helped him get through those two years alone.

Phoebe gave a sympathetic smile. Then she noticed a badly wrapped brown package on the bed beside Cole. "What's that?" she asked curiously.

            "Oh, that's from Basil. He said it was just something to for luck since we got back together."

            "He's six months late," Phoebe said, with a grin as she took the package and started to unwrap it.

            "It's Basil," Cole said, smiling wryly, "He'll probably be late for his own funeral."

            When Phoebe finally managed to tear away all the wrapping, she found a pair of bright red shirts, neatly folded, one on top of the other. "What the hell is that?" she asked Cole, looking at the shirts suspiciously.

            "Soccer jerseys," Cole said with a groan, "I knew he was mad about soccer, but I didn't know he was _this mad."_

            Phoebe laughed. "He really doesn't think we'll wear this in public."

            "I don't know," Cole said, shaking his head, "I have no _idea what he thinks. I'm not even sure if he thinks at all."_

            Phoebe grinned as she unfolded the shirts. There, between the two jerseys, snuggled in the fabric, she found a small wooden box. It was made of redwood and intricately carved with flowers. "It's beautiful," Phoebe exclaimed. She gently lifted the box and opened it. A clear, sweet music pierced the air, soft and poignant. "It's just lovely," Phoebe said, smiling up at Cole. "Thank Basil for me."

            "I will," Cole said. "I should have guessed that there was something else. Matching soccer jerseys are too much, even for him." he grinned.

            Phoebe placed the jerseys and the music box on the bedside table and wrapped herself in Cole's arms once more, sighing softly in contentment. "I don't want to lose this," she said softly. "A part of me is scared that like before, just when everything seems perfect, I'll lose it all."

            "I know," Cole said, running his fingers through Phoebe's hair, "I'm scared too. But there's not much point worrying about things we can't really control. Let's just enjoy everything we have now. Maybe, like they say, the third time's the charm."

            Phoebe smiled softly as she leant her head up to kiss Cole. The kiss was soft and sweet, silently conveying all the love, hope and yearning they had. _Damn it, she thought with some defiance, __After all we've been through, we deserve this bit of happiness. I'm not going to give this up without a fight._

            When the kiss ended, Phoebe murmured, "I love you."

            "I know," Cole said, a soft smile on his face. Whatever happened to them, he'll never regret what he had with Phoebe. He had done many things to regret and will probably have many more over the course of his long life but this would never be one of them. Phoebe held a special place in his heart and he will treasure every single moment they had together. __

             The rest of the night was spent in quiet, sweet contentment and for all its uncertainties, the future glowed with the same promise as dawn. 

*~ Finis ~*


End file.
